Say Uncle
by Tajeri Lynn Extremo Luchadore
Summary: Uncle has lost his memory and is under the enslavement of a mysterious sword, and Jackie is on his way to find him! Oh gosh, Chapter 9 up. I'm lazier than hell, is what I am...
1. Prologue

A/N: Welcome to the emergence of "Say Uncle", the sequel to "The Life Before the Party". With the second season of JCA officially at an end, us amigos will now have to seek Chan and Co. in FFN. I don't care how much longer the show can go on, just as long as there's JCA FANFICTION 4 LIFE!

"Say Uncle" was the unanimous winner of Extremo Vote 2002, so I can't deny myself but to put it in. Next up is "Takato Wong", a futuristic follow-up to Digimon Tamers. As everyone should know, even I get to vote on my own!

"Jackie Chan Adventures" comes to you from the Sony Entertainment Arena thanks to Jackie Chan, his brother Willie and the folks at Sony Television. Laissez les bon temps rouler!

Anarchy rules in the world of JCA. Chairs, Tables, Ladders, Hopes and Dreams have been demolished in the struggles of the J-Team, but this chapter newly defines the word of extreme, as in extreme-ly crazy!

Say Uncle

Prologue: Ditched Blade

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Jackie Chan, the archaeologist with more lives than nine cats, had made the plane ride home to San Francisco. Retrieving the Sword of Kirishima was a tough job in itself, thanks to the underwater realm from which the sword had long gone into obscurity. At least there was no Shadowkhan to pester him this time around. Truth be told, Chan missed teaching the Shadowkhan a lesson or two about meddling with rare artifacts for magical purposes. To him, the purpose lied in its history, no more, no less, a centerpiece for people to know what they once were, so that they could know what they will be.

Where had Shendu gone? Shendu actually tried many ways to get back home after Jackie had banished him. There was the time Shendu had tried dashing into the body of Uncle, the chi wizard whose magic took him back to the Eighth Portal. As Jackie would later find out, Shendu's spirit ended up colliding with a cockroach Uncle was trying to squish, and as the cockroach fell off the bookshelf, Tohru raised the sole of his sandals and then…

But enough of that. Shendu was indefinitely old news. The new news was that the talismans had become more noticeable to circles outside of the Dark Hand and the demons. It had been about 3 months ago since old familiar faces were found to take sudden likings to the Horse Talisman, and that wasn't easy. Jackie rubbed his sturdy brow and crunched up his skin as if hoping his brain cells could relax for once. Even if the incidents had concluded before the J-Team's one-year anniversary, they still proved to Jackie that the J-Team wasn't immortal. And that might only have been the first test of things….

Whap!

"OW!" Jackie yelled as his head felt another sensation besides his own hands. And so it was something else; the two-fingered salute from his Uncle.

"Jackie!" Uncle cried out, still donning his blue pants, orange vest, white shirt, and tiny spectacles. "Jackie, what took you so long?! Uncle been waiting 5 WHOLE HOURS, and wasted ALL the tea!"

"I am sorry, Uncle," Jackie moaned, half from the hurt and half from wanting a doze. "There was a delay in the flight, but you would've known that over the phone. I guess San Francisco's a popular tourist spot for the summer. Heh, heh."

"What is so funny?! Uncle taking no time to rest, is THAT WHAT IS FUNNY?!" Uncle glared at Jackie, who could see the reds of his eyes.

"No, it's…it's not…that!" Jackie stammered and shook both palms in a plea of innocence. "Uncle, why didn't you go to sleep? You didn't have to wait for me to get the sword."

"Of course I must wait! Whether I sleep or am awake, I must wait either way. And if I sleep now, I sleep like big baby until the noon! Noon! Do you think Uncle wants to open his shop at noon?!"

Jackie was very puzzled by his Uncle's sense of logic. "Um…uh, Uncle, perhaps…" he took out a sealed package among his baggage. "Perhaps you would want to research the sword now," he finished, hoping that would quiet down Uncle.

"Thank you, very much!" Uncle snatched the package eagerly. "That's what Elmer Presley would say!"

"That's Elvis!" Whap! "OW!"

"Uncle older than you..Therefore, Uncle WISER THAN YOU!"

"Chan…" came a low, grumbling, hapless voice from above the staircase, "what's going on out there?" The voice could belong to none other than Tohru, the 600-pound Sumo of a shop assistant. Tohru had taken to his emperor-sized bed already. Jackie could just imagine what Tohru must look like catching so few hours of sleep; he just didn't want to see him now. 

"It's alright, Tohru," Jackie called with both hands cupped around his mouth to amplify his voice. "Uncle and I are having just a little disagreement."

"Ohh…alright….ZZZZZ…"

Whap! "OW! Uncle, I was telling the truth!"

"Jackie, you are being ve-ry disagreeable! First, you said you be back this morning. Now it is next day! Second, you woke up Tohru, my assistant. You want him up by noon!? Third," Uncle was tugging at the box containing the Sword of Kirishima, grunting loudly, "I can not open this package. You think Uncle's not past his prime? Well, he is-Ayah!"

Uncle's hands broke the clasps off the box, and the sides flew off to the walls of the shop. At once, Uncle fell on his back and the metal blade of the sword spun into the air and slashed across Uncle, the sickening sound of pierced flesh resounding across the shop. Within seconds that felt like minutes, Uncle collapsed motionlessly and the sword fell next to him.

Jackie's face grew pale, and his heart beated rapidly. "NOOO! Uncle!"

He ran to Uncle, kicking the sword away and immediately removing the cut shirt and vest of his elder. "Please, not this way, Uncle, not this way!" Jackie had broken up his You're going to be alright. You WILL BE….All…right?" As Jackie had removed Uncle's shirt, he noticed not a single cut of the flesh was on sight, nor did a single drip of blood seep out of anywhere.

Jackie pondered at his Uncle's unmoving state, and put his ear to Uncle's heart. It was in a normal tempo, as if he was…asleep. The Chan Man saw his Uncle's face and could see it smiling as it inhaled and exhaled with loud snores.

"Uncle is okay?…Uncle is okay!" Jackie laughed, and then he shut himself up. He didn't want to awaken Uncle with his commotion. Uncle would complain Jackie was even more disagreeable for denying him a trip to Sheep Avenue.

"Lucky Uncle," Jackie whispered to himself. "I don't know how the sword could miss him. I could've sworn…No, there's no swearing anymore. There shouldn't be…" He saw the tattered upper clothes and replaced them with the next possible shirt in mind, a T-Shirt reading "I [Heart Symbol] Red Sox". Uncle had no idea what baseball was, but no time to question that. "Perhaps, tomorrow, I'll have to pay him for extra clothes, but that'll be a small price to pay. Hmm," Jackie saw Uncle and turned his sights to a rusty old alarm, and wound it up. "6 in the morning…Hopefully, that'll be enough time for Uncle to open the shop." He held up Uncle and placed him in a beige couch. The couch was usually intended for Tohru whenever the sumo needed a place to sit, but Tohru was in his bed, and Uncle was fast asleep to be interfered. So Jackie put a thick drape over Uncle, patted the shopkeeper's head and spoke, "Sleep tight, Uncle.."

As Jackie walked by, his foot touched the handle of the Sword. Jackie grabbed the sword ever warily and stared at what once remained of the package fastening it. "I must say, Uncle's a lot stronger than I thought. That's what always scares me," he yawned audibly before wrapping the sword up in thick bandages, before leaving it secured in a portable safe at the corner of the shop.

"Whew…" Jackie said as he walked up the staircase to retreat to bed. "In the morning, all this will feel like a dream. Why be scared of Uncle? He's always on the right side of things."

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"Uncle?" Morning had risen, and it had been 10 minutes since the alarm clock had rung, bouncing everywhere it went before crashing onto the floor in pieces of gears and glass. Jackie at first supposed Uncle was sleeping like a baby, until he came to the front room of Uncle's Rare Finds and could catch nothing but the drape on the floor and small dimples on the couch. "Uncle? Where would he…Bwah!" His eyes locked long at the opened safe at the corner, the opened, hollow safe.

"Good morning, Chan," greeted Tohru as he walked down the stairs with his feet plodding over several steps at once. He rubbed his eyes and yawned with the boom of a bear's yawn, if bears ever yawn…

"Tohru, did Uncle go upstairs?" Jackie asked urgently, a vein nervously jolting on his neck.

"No, Chan. If he did, I would've heard him coming over to wake me and Jade."

"I don't understand," Jackie looked at the safe. "Uncle wouldn't leave the shop like this. It's not like him."

"Leave the shop? Well, it's possible that your uncle had some important business for the time being. Odd it is, but impossible it is not. He is a shopkeeper, after all."

"Then why is the sword missing?"

"Missing? Sword?" Tohru was perplexed.

"Sword of Kirishima. The University wanted me to search this sword from within the Yellow Sea. I took the sword and kept it in the safe, and now it's missing. I think its disappearance may have something to do with Uncle's."

"But why must Uncle play a role in this?" asked Tohru. "That is quite rash thinking, Jackie."

"The combination on the safe…only Uncle and I knew how to open it. But why he would take the sword with him?"

"What if he needed to consult someone with the sword? What then?"

"Hi, Uncle Jackie. Hi, T-Man," Jade skipped down the safe, and went over to the kitchen. "Hey, Tohru, you want me to get some of that grape soda for ya?"

"Um, not now, Jade. Jackie and I are trying to sort things out…"

"Pssh…Jackie and Uncle were sorting things out last night. Good thing I always have the topmost bed. Less noise…Huh?" Jade opened the refrigerator door, and the little convenient light was a no-show. Plus, that old wheezing noise on the fridge suddenly seemed absent. Were the lights and noise all part of some unnecessary dream? Nope. The abundance of food was starting to stink badly, except for Tohru's soda-pops, of course…

"Um, Jackie?"

"Not, now, Jade," Jackie spoke, still looking only at Tohru and the opened safe.

"Jackie…I don't think the refrigerator's working…"

"Jade, there's something more important going on here," said Tohru to her. "We've got to call Captain Black just to be sure. I hope this isn't inconvenient." Standing at the breakfast table, he pulled up the black speaking box, and took out its receiver close to his right ear. Jade quietly took a banana off a basket and began eating it as she watched Tohru make the call for help, whatever that help was. But just as he was ready to lay a meaty finger on the numbers, Tohru paused at the disturbing silence of the phone, and his eyes trailed the phone's wiring to its firm connection to the nearest plug.

Tohru narrowed his eyes and looked at the ceiling, flicking a free index finger over the light switch close to the door, and to no effect. He dropped the receiver back where it resided. "Jackie, all our electric power is gone!"

"Wha?"

VVVAAAARRRRRROOOOOOMMMM!!!

"Fire Engine?" Tohru asked at the timbre outside.

Jackie looked outside the window, and the whites of his eyes ballooned as he saw crowds of tenants and families pushing and shoving each other, while broken telephone lines strewn across the streets were being handled by Public Works personnel. Firefighters were removing some people out of the streets to pump the fire hydrants into their hoses. The men in yellow effortlessly were dousing the flames that were eating away at two distant homes.

Knock Knock Knock!

The knock disturbed Jackie. Was there a fire emergency he didn't know about? Jackie looked at both Jade and Tohru, and then opened the knob on the front door, ringing the bell as always. "Sorry about the bell, but…Captain Black?"

The Captain, with his emerald eyes, crimson eyebrows and bald head shining from the morning sunrise, spoke up in concern. "Not the best way to start the day, though that's not saying night is any better. It's happened across the street, Jackie. Everyone's lost their power and water sources. Very odd activity, but that's to be expected whenever you're around."

"Sigh. When will I not be around?" Jackie frowned and scratched the back of his neck.

"Maybe not ever, Jackie. Maybe not ever. However, it came to my attention that you acquired an artifact from Asia, the…Sword of…Krishma, Krooshma, something? Section 13 suspects someone went through the havoc to get to the sword."

"Kirishima," Jackie corrected him, and he contorted a panicked façade and held his hands on Black's shoulders. "But I know nothing about today except my Uncle and the sword are gone!"

Tohru laid a finger on his cheek while pondering hard, and then the sumo paced slowly into Uncle's dusky library of archives.

"Your Uncle…is gone…as well as the sword," Black repeated the words slowly in skepticism. He slowly took Jackie's hands off his pliant shoulders. Now Black could believe magic was real and existent, but Uncle leaving the Chans? He knew the old timer never was one to disappear, especially with those two-fingered salutes always ready for combat.

"Gasp! Uncle is gone? How?" Jade lit up. "And why wasn't I told of this?" her eyebrows displayed resentment at her uncle's protectiveness for her. At age 11, Jade Chan didn't find it too childish to know of bad news when they came up, especially after Jackie accidentally left a window open for Ruby the cat to flee the shop…

"You weren't told of this because we were fearing the worst," Jackie said.

"Fearing the worst!?" Jade retorted. "If I don't know the worst, how can I prepare for it?"

Black thought a bit during this commotion, eyes pointing to his own temples. "You're fearing a little too much, both of you. Let's get things straight. Uncle's a sly kind of fellow. He'll be back safe and sound…Moving on now, Jackie, this..Sword of K., if I may call it…Does it have any magical powers?"

"I don't know."

"What?" Jackie didn't know anything about the artifact he found? Black's skepticism reached peak levels.

Jackie bowed his head as if feeling helpless. "I was in such a hurry that the colleagues from the University never informed me about the sword. I'm so sorry."

"No need to. I've found answers to all our questions, Chan," came up Tohru, who was wearing glasses that seemed microscopic compared to his build. The sumo also held up a book so small that it could've been crushed to dust had he balled his fist athwart it.

"This book tells me a little about the Sword of Kirishima. I was especially curious because the word 'Kirishima' belongs to my home country. It means 'curse', but I don't know what that curse was. That's when I read this text. A mysterious samurai, a ronin, once wielded a blade that, should it be touched, would render his victims unable to recall who they once were. And so long as it was infused with the wielder's soul, the blade can cut through anything of this world and control anybody struck by it!… The blade's background remains unclear, although without a doubt, someone's using that sword right now. Sensei must've known this. I bet someone kidnapped Uncle to keep us from knowing the truth." 

"No, Tohru. No…that's not what happened.." Jackie replied, hands nervously clasped together.

"What do you mean?"

"Uncle's the one wielding the sword…He accidentally lost his memory…and now the sword has control over him, because of what I did…."

"You hit sensei with the sword?!" Tohru instantly replied, astonished and disgusted that his best friend could be responsible.

"Jackie, how could you?!" Jade looked at him with sad golden eyes, her confidence for her uncle dropping.

"No! No! No, it wasn't like that, Tohru! Uncle tried to open the package that had the sword, and he accidentally struck himself, or, or…"

"You let Uncle, of all people, OPEN a package for you?! Jackie, I can not believe you could ever do such a thing!"

"And then Uncle, he was about to sleep…" Jackie continued, sweat pasting up the flawless ends of his raven hair.

"So," boomed the hostile Tohru, "you let Uncle take a hold of the sword, just when you knew he was going to sleep?! Let me guess….The arguments were too much for you to handle?"

"Yes..I mean, No! Or maybe…Augh, if only you were there!" Jackie held his head, and squeezed his eyes to evade this nightmare.

"Remain calm, Jackie!" Black looked at his friend and gripped tightly his shoulder so he wouldn't tilt away into madness. The elite turned his attention to the sumo. "Tohru, can you tell me if there's any way to remove this curse off of Jackie's Uncle?"

Tohru calmed down, and he breathed a sigh, predicting relief. "There's no clear cure in the text, but if we are talking about a curse within sensei, then we do have a cure; the Horse Talisman. Removes all alien forces within. You still keep it in Section 13, right?"

"Along with all the others," Black smiled, and spoke to the still-nervous Chan Man. "All we must do is find your Uncle, Jackie. He shouldn't be too hard to find, not with all this destruction…" A frown recurring, Black felt his confidence fading a tad, as he continued. "Of course, if this trail goes on like this," Black stared over at the faltering telephone poles, "we're going to be seeing extra zeroes on our taxes."

"Ayah!" Jade lamented. "Last time we had to find the cure. Now we must find the patient!?"

To Be Continued…

Such a quick buildup…Not as funny as "LBTP", huh? I know, but sequels always must be different. This is just a sneak preview, so updates will take a while. Hope you like it. Adios, amigos!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Tajeri Lynn blasts you to Chapter 1 of the wild ride called "Say Uncle". Bring in whatever your stomach craves at the movies; popcorn, brownies, drinks, or tamales, it don't matter. "Say Uncle" follows the J-Team's search for the amnesiac Uncle Chan across all of San Francisco, stuffed as always with a surprise at every alley.

"Jackie Chan Adventures" is the brainchild of Adelaide, Kids WB, and the Chan Man himself.

The Extremo Luchadore also invites you to read "Genma Hiryumusha", a fic only available in the site of a wonderful senorita named Belit-Spleef. (Visit her at Spleeferz.com) Actually, it's a sequel to "SBTW" (sorry, no lemons here) and is major AU. Check it out if you can.

But this is "Say Uncle", so now, let's go out there and say, "Uncle!"

Say Uncle

Chapter 1: The Bungled Uncle

Morning rose and the crisp ocean breeze rose over San Francisco's newly constructed Civic Center, its grand opening infusing the modern-day staples of Asian pop culture, a concept which, until recently, was abandoned to tiny shops squeezed in between homogeneous mega-stores of America. But now that the Asian minority was growing in the states, including the growth of their influence in television, film, novels and all else called entertainment, it was deemed honorable that such a city-wide event would make their impact known.

Honor? So that was what they'd call an honor? As opposed to seeing Karenoke and the Yodelling Kabukis perform on the release date of their third album? Not a chance, so thought Mama Tohru. The pudgy matriarch of the Tohru family had come by the city again, a purse clutched around one hand while her aged eyes skimmed through all these confusing wares that teenagers were pondering for. Wait a minute, teenagers? Obviously, anything for the teenagers weren't meant for her. Better retreat before some screaming girls start trampling over Mama Tohru in search of shojo mangas and the like. Mama Tohru was quite upset about how few parents were attending the children running amok in the convention. Why were elders now so lost in their heads? Mama Tohru thought a little more knocking and a little less talking would do the trick, not that she ever had that with her hefty, complacent son…

Bah! 2 hours now? 2 hours before Karenoke and the Yodelling Kabukis would start singing their hearts out with their intricate melody? This was so headachy! So Mama Tohru paced, slippers making clink-clank noises over the dark mats veiling sea blue concrete, and onion-shaped noggin musing over the flickering fluorescent lights, shining windows connected on multilevel grids of the walls, and of course, merchandise and services strewn from tables laden in candy-colored drapes.

"Say, miss, wanna buy this lovely foot massage? Oomph!"

Mama Tohru was grateful of her lightning-quick fists. They were the most effective pesticide against persistent salesmen following her every move. One backhand, and they would collapse cross-legged. How she wished for Jackie's Uncle to stop by around this convention. Her shotokan karate skills had sharpened to the hilt of her wiggly feet. She was more than ready to show the goat the power of a roach.

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He thought meeting her was a disease.

Only this time he was a disease.

All he ever knew was magic must defeat magic.

Perhaps poison can defeat poison….

Was worth the chance…

He tip-toed behind Mama Tohru and propped a finger on Mama Tohru's back.

"Yeee-!" Mama Tohru gnarled her face and rose her palms threateningly. She paused her palms as she came upon the façade of Jackie's Uncle. "Ah, Billy Goat! Welcome to see you. So, you now fan of Kare Noke and Yodelling Kabukis?"

But Uncle, as always, had nothing spare for jokes. Uncle was half-delirious, half-afraid. "Kare Noke still a jumble! Still 'yowa yewa wah wee wo', or whatever! But no time for that! I need your assistance!"

"Oh, what for? Little lamb lost? Huh, no surprise there. Near-sighted mule should've brought young shepherd for directions."

He grew impatient. "Jade is at home, as is my nephew. I must call him! Must spare your phone!"

"Huff! So now, the billy goat's become a penny-snatcher! -GASP"

"Hand me the phone now!" Uncle was raising a golden handled sword. He had been concealing the weapon beneath an acrylic zipper jacket, a rare choice of costume for the aged salesman. All of a sudden, his eyelids slit the retinas of loam brown, and the voice he grumbled was thick, threatening and tyrannical.

But Mama Tohru only took the threat as a masterful taunt. "Heh! Such is you to bring bite and bark against me! You may have long bruised my bark, Billy Goat, but my bite's been having a warmup!" Her knuckles scrunched by themselves, wound up readily for a potent barrage of butt whup.

"Hey, no crowding in the walkway, you two…Holy Shit!" A rookie police guard saw Uncle's hands gripped around the sword. The convention never permitted any such artifacts for the event, and definitely not one being pointed at a helpless old woman with her hands raised up in surrender.

The guard shoved a yelling Mama Tohru out of harm's way and snagged her place, pointing a revolver at Uncle. "I don't know what you want, old man, but killing her ain't gonna cut it. Drop the sword down!"

"Or what, child?!" Uncle boomed arrogantly. "Did you ever stop to question how this sword escaped your technology?"

"The metal detectors…," the twentysomething guard narrowed his eyebrows. "…How'd you zip past them?"

"Simple answer. This sword has not an ounce of metal!" He pried the sword centimeter by centimeter off the concrete.

BANG! The guard went for the senior's arm, but Uncle soundlessly zipped the sword, arching the smoking blade semi-circularly. The bullet pinged off the parrying blade and was sent smashing through the ceiling's light fixtures.

"Everyone out n-!" the guard cried out, until his warning cry was muted out as Uncle slammed the broad end of the handle smack-dab onto the guard's neck, momentarily cutting off his circulation. 'Twas enough, though, for the guard to fall a motionless heap on the carpets.

"What's gotten into you?!" Mama Tohru roared. "Selling junk's made your mind into junk?"

The busted lights showered an impassioned Uncle as he pointed his sword upward and laughed evilly, speaking in a gravelly voice hardly similar to Uncle's! "Ha ha hah! **I **am no junk seller, old woman! **I** am Kirishima, future overlord of the Nihon Empire, and soon the world! **I** will devour your souls! **I **am larger than life! **I** am a living legend! **I** am-Urk!"

Captain Black utilized his well-adorned muscles and dragged Uncle's right arm, sending the elder crumpling downward. He saw the tinkling sword and kicked it out of the way. He grabbed a pair of service handcuffs from his coat pockets, shaking his head when he realized of all the people he could arrest, this old friend was long among the least likely candidates.

"**You **are under arrest," Black jabbed one knee on Uncle's back before raising his bony arms. A curious public swarmed across the voyeuristically criminal sight. Mama Tohru was rudely shoveled off from even peering her head at the man who threatened her.

"I see you have caught me, youngster, but can you hold me?" Uncle smiled. His heels swung around and sent a shocked Captain Black crashing cheek-first onto a few crates. Uncle threw away the cuffs before giving a snort. "Picking on my business, fellow guard? Well, one good deed deserves another!"

Black slid his stunned face down the crates, and while he was sliding, Uncle summoned the sword to fly back to his hands. The crowd screamed as he readied a fatal swing of the purplish blade until Jackie the archaeologist leapt up readied a solid sole on Uncle's chest, giving a quick but certainly not brutish push that left Uncle teeter-tottering in front of him.

Jackie widened his eyebrows pitifully. "Uncle, it's me, your nephew Jackie!" he addressed to the cursed old man.

"I got nothing to do with anyone's uncle. But if you were to say uncle, I'd be so delighted," Uncle rushed in and hacked several quick-as-a-flash slices against Jackie.

Jackie grabbed some books and held them before Uncle, but the old man only had intentions of cutting through the bounds of paper in hopes of cutting through live, human flesh. "Uncle!" Jackie desperately begged as he lobbed a stack of mangas beside him, sending literary missles at his beloved elder. "Uncle, you love books so much! You wouldn't want to destroy books, would you?"

Barely regaining his wind, Black looked at the fluttering illustrations carpeting the whole floor. "Jackie, you're not going to get anywhere with 'Fushigi Yugi'!"

"Gesundheit," Jackie turned to the Captain, as he grabbed a fold-up table and scooted it into the direction of Uncle's slash. The sword nailed deep into the wood, leaving Uncle to grunt as he wrested the sword from the bested furniture.

Immediately sensing opportunity, Jackie raised his potent fingers and tickled Uncle's armpits, forcing Kirishima to chortle childishly and wiggle his hands at the tingling feeling. The crowd laughed back in turn; they thought this was an action comedy. That gave time for Jackie to grab the sword and hastily point the weapon before a raging and recovering Uncle could run into it. Pausing at the tip, Uncle only gave a contemptuous smile. The crowd became twice as entertained.

The crowd began talking to each other.

"We watching a movie set?"

"Then why aren't we being moved off?"

"Perhaps we're being shot unknowingly so we won't get paid."

"Cheapskate Hollywood!"

Captain Black, who shook the equilibrium back into his brain, almost snagged his revolver against Uncle, but the curious crowd made his target all the more riskier to strike. "This is police business," he outburst. "Move out of the way!"

"No, no, no, words aren't going to cut it. I don't know if actions speak louder than words. But they sure hurt more!" Uncle twitched a disapproving finger. Jackie solemnly emphasized his focus on the finger gesture, which, as he expected, transformed into a balled fist that nearly smashed his square nose. Knowing that hacking at Uncle was a stupid venture, Jackie grabbed the wrist of his Uncle and both men hobbled in their respective backwards motions, the result being a misshapen tug of war with Uncle's arm.

"I don't want to hurt you!" Jackie yelled ferociously, as he carefully used the broad end of the sword to block Kirishima's determined use of the free hand.

The blocks hurt Kirishima much worse than anticipated. Then again, his host was somewhat past his prime. He began rattling his fist off the pain. "Of course you want to hurt me! You only find it wrong to hurt an old, decrepit man!"

"Then I'll take the pleasure! Hyah!" Jade sent her little red sneaker twisting Uncle's face towards the floor. Uncle spat some sticky saliva that got lopped on his lips before he collapsed.

"BWAH! Jade!" Jackie held his hands to his cheeks in immediate dismay. "You hit Uncle!"

Jade frowned annoyingly at her uncle. "Ch, well how else were we supposed to exorcise him, Jackie, give him the talisman like it was his birthday?"

"Urgh! If you're here, did Tohru bring the Horse Talisman with him?"

  
"Yes, I have!" The giant sumo ran into the convention, shaking its entire structure with the talisman in his hand. He and Jade were fishing the talisman off the vault while Black and Jackie followed Uncle's trail. "Is he down?"

Black grabbed the unconscious Uncle, while a lone onlooker shouted, "Police brutality!" The Captain ignored the statement and replied to Tohru, "Hopefully this is enough for the Horse Talisman to take its effect. Sorry we took your uncle so harshly, Jackie."

"We'd been more sorry if that hadn't been done," Jackie replied matter-of-factly. But an unseen hand grabbed the brim of his blue shirt and suddenly flipped it over his face, muffling any sight of where anyone stood.

"Chan, watch where you're swinging that sword!" Tohru yelled. But Chan felt a hefty push and ended up bumping into the 600-pound sumo, who, eyes hopelessly set at the Sword of Kirishima, fearfully raised the talisman away from blade's length. From there, another hand squeezed into Tohru's hand and pried open the talisman, flicking it into the curious crowd, who backed up and watched its octagonal form bounce across the floor.

A confused Tohru looked up and saw an orange glove with cute white buttons, crawling on the slips normally used to encase one's fingers! This glove was motioning alive!

The glove flopped down to the sleek surface and then darted itself up, like a rubbery octopus zipping through seawater at ease. At its speed, it struck the bottom of the sword handle, allowing the entire weapon to be removed from Chan's hands and slide across the concrete close to where Black was pinning Uncle.

The sound of the metal-less blade hitting the concrete aroused Kirishima Uncle from his slumber. Uncle opened those horrible brown eyes and spun Black around, even while the Captain had a grip of a bear's. Black reluctantly flew in mid-air, where Uncle sent his gray-haired head planted onto Black's stomach before thrusting the elite officer down to the merciless impact of the concrete. Captain Black lost his grip and twitched in a slight convulsion for his spine took a not-so-generous portion of the damage.

Jade dashed her lithesome best to snatch the sword before evil Uncle could regain a grip on it. The orange glove grabbed her shoes and was joined by a second, near identical glove in tugging her feet in an awry pace. Jade collapsed and gave a small grunt, gasping as Uncle grabbed the sword and laughed with all his hearty coldness.

"What a useless charade you all came up with!" Kirishima spoke. "Might as well say my farewell. Oh no, I have spoken plenty for the day. Let my blade do the tal-king!" Concluding in a very Uncle-like jeer, he spun the blade from one tip of the convention's ceiling to another, and seemingly, the blade extended its purple hilt across the ceiling, gnarling the domed roof in half!

The ceiling rumbled insanely as the dome was losing an integral factor in its supports. Choking at the billowing clouds of dust and exploding stonework, the crowds now knew this was no movie. It was as horribly real as the adrenaline taking the best out of them. Men, women and children were scattering like helpless ants as San Francisco's center came tumbling forth, ready to swallow even Jackie, Jade, and Captain Black…

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"Ha ha ha!" a departing Uncle bellowed his throat out as the fading rumbles felt like a gentle massage to the aching tendons long worn by time. The dust from the dome smoked the whole streets, providing him the needed advantage of jumping off a sewer manhole without being seen. He readily turned to an alleyway where no one will suspect his presence of any wrong-doing. "Foolish simple folk! No man could ever take me prisoner! UNF!"

A double-ax handle thwacked the hind of his neck, and again the supposedly fearsome being of Kirishima shut down as Uncle crashed onto a half-full trash can, the detestable contents spilling across the unconscious body.

The orange gloves had done their work, only this time, they were under the tight possession of a slender woman's hands. "Well," the woman perked in an English accent, "for once, a man was being honest."

To Be Continued…

A/N: To P.I.B. Somebody knows what I mean. Trust me, amigos.

Okay, this chap's don't got much to explain, but all'll be done in time. Onward to next time!


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Get set for Chapter 2 "Say Uncle"! Tajeri Lynn the Extremo Luchadore once again proves why he is The. Next. Effin'. Show! Okay, so maybe not now, but someday….

Chapter 2: Break Away

As Uncle laid lying like a grizzled heap across the garbage, the young woman was raising up the Sword of Kirishima in victory. She was a vertically challenged figure, but a mighty cute figure at that. Brunette hair swished across her hands as she felt dust and smoke aggravating her perm. Her eyes, more sparkling than the freshest batch of grapes in all the hemispheres, watched her small hands swing the sword, nearly dropping the aged weapon since even with the gloves, her own hands were never meant for slicing and parrying.

"My, hard to believe Mr. Past-his-prime can wield such audacity-" she mused rather naively.

CRACK!

"Ahh!" the woman yelped as she veered her mocha-crème face beyond the wicked swerve of a bullwhip. The whip wasn't aimed at her, its key intention was the Sword of Kirishima, which immediately soared off of her hands.

The gloved woman watched as the sword flew into the hands of another woman. This woman was more readily prepared for tenuous adventure than the little one. Custard yellow strands rolled over her firm, tough mind, all terminating into a single short ponytail. Donned in a lengthy red coat and black pants, the whipper-snapper eyed the sword, but as she saw her associate, her eyes reverted back to hostility, of ignominy, of jealousy.

"Little cheater!" the whipping lady chided loudly, not minding who could sneak by the alley and open an ear. Besides, the moment she'd see any such fool, she'd be sure to whip his ear off. "Without those rubbers of yours, you wouldn't have hit the jackpot!"

"So rude," the little woman whistled quietly, a sharp contrast to her associate. She outreached her hands, letting the gloves jump and skitter next to her shoes. "Taking the sword from me's not going to take away my credit. These two gloves are my witnesses, and you have none. If the boss were to see you hold the sword-"

"Urr, take it, you witch! And my name is Vanessa Barone, Daily Martini!"

Now the little woman scoffed at the offense, thus compelling her to quickly pull the sword off Barone's hands, almost threatening that those hands get cut by the mysterious blade. "The name is Portia Martindale, thank you very much!"

"And my name is Kirishima, master of all evil!"

Vanessa Barone and Portia Martindale watched Uncle regain his composure, raising hands and feet in audacious wiry patterns. Obviously, the old man wasn't going to huff and puff out of this situation.

"You will hand me the blade now!"

"About face!" Vanessa shouted as she raised her lethal whip, arching the weapon over her shoulder, but her grip was stopped by Portia.

"You've forgotten who we're dealing with. I haven't," Portia clucked wryly as she walked before Uncle, sword in hand. Vanessa stared at the Indian wide-eyed in contempt.

"Kirishima will now have his sword back, he says!" Uncle yelled outrageously, pausing only to adjust his minute glasses and hook them on the proper ridge of the nose.

"Mr. Kirishima, we two women are completely helpless against you," cried Portia with pretension as she bowed her face before Uncle. "So we will give you back your sword, under a couple of conditions, questions more like it."

"Hmm? Questions, eh?" Uncle held an inquisitive hand under his chin. He let out a fierce, overconfident grin. He recognized his own skinny brawn as twice those of these young women. "Fine. Ask away, first of all."

"Right…" Portia smiled back at Vanessa with a devious wink. Vanessa growled because she hated people being more devious than her. Portia asked the first question. "Do you know where you are?"

"Of course, I am…er…in…a place…with big stones, many the sizes of mountains…Next question!"

"What happened yesterday?"

"Yesterday, of course! I…uh……remember….being blank, asleep….Another question!"

"What happened before yesterday, all down to the day you were born?"

"I…uh….I….what you think you're pulling?!" Uncle screeched, the wind of his breath swaying Portia's brunette cache.

Ms. Martindale choked at Uncle's garlic breath, but held her own. No amount of odor was going to wipe off her sultry smile. "I am pulling at your past, of which it seems you have none. You are indeed a mighty person, but a mighty person won't do without knowing his memory."

"Urr," Uncle nervously shook his face everywhere. Now that he thought of it, these walls of unfamiliar red stone and streets of zipping boxes were sickening him down to his bumpy gut. Nothing reminded him of anything. "Can you bring back my memory?" He dropped his threatening legs and arms.

Portia smiled. It worked. "Not I, but my dutiful boss. He has mastered a practice called Dark Chi, about the same substance an evil one such as you would harness. I am certain my boss will accept you into our humble abode." She raised up the blade. "Take your sword, please do. My nail polish may get bubbles if I hold this too long. Call it only the first of many reverences to you, Kirishima."

Uncle groaned hopelessly, walking backward to deliberately stifle Portia's smile, but seeing that she wasn't budging, he ran toward her and snatched the sword handle.

"Excellent," Portia exclaimed as large purple clouds swallowed her, the gloves, Uncle, and Vanessa Barone. What no one realized during the departure was that the rumbling of the fallen S.F. Convention Center had subsided a great while ago.

******************************************************************************

"Huh? Black, are you okay?" Jackie opened his eyes, his hands set comfortably around his raven black hair. Except for a couple of concrete hillocks, the overall picture remained as it was.

"Ch, everyone's okay!" Jade, who apparently opened her eyes before the rest of the J-Team, was skipping along whatever shrapnel did falter off the roof. Just like Jackie and Black and the dazed company underneath the center, she was short of a clue as to their savior. Could an angel possibly lift the roof for everyone?

Then it hit Jackie, though not so hard that pain shot from his head. "The Horse Talisman! Where is it?"

"Right here, Chan, along with my mommy!" Tohru was smiling comfortably, grateful to see that his less than statute matriarch had armed plenty of sense in herself to inject the curious talisman's healing powers onto a wall of the convention center.

"This is the S.F. Fire Department! Evacuations this way," a fireman pointed out to any unblocked doorways. "The building will not fall, but we suggest all of you leave in a quick but patient manner.

******************************************************************************

"Bah, Jackie, you bad nephew! Billy Goat went mad with rabies, and you never gave him his shot!"

The group huddled outside of the low-level stairways leading up to the half-wreckage that once was a convention center.

"Mama Tohru," Jackie explained regretfully. Why must he repeat himself over such distraught news? "My uncle's been cursed by a dangerous sword. That is why he hasn't been himself. He's lost his memory."

"A complete black lie! Why then would Billy Goat threaten me for my cell phone, hmm? Rabid beast wanted phone to make call to his nephew."

"Whoa, whoa!" Jade held up her hands. "Did you say Uncle wanted to call Jackie?"  


"Has everyone gone deaf?" Mama Tohru quipped irritatingly. "The Billy Goat mentioned Jackie loud and clear!"

Jade pointed an index finger to Jackie. "Jackie, Uncle hasn't lost his memory. The memory's asleep!"

"Asleep?! But the sword was supposed to wipe his mind clean!"

"Duh, but remember when Uncle once said he had a whole tub of good chi or something like that in him? I think his chi's trying to make him good Uncle again, but the cursed Uncle's too strong!"

"Can any good come out of that?" Captain Black queried to his friends.

"Yes!" Tohru, the 600 pound sumo, lit his eyes up and clapped his hands together in a proud clap. "Uncle and I once did a special spell that allowed anyone to locate a person's chi trace!"

Captain Black rolled the Horse Talisman around his palm, hiding its healing flash with his black jacket. Admittedly not the best position for a Captain to settle himself. He felt like a simpleton intimately taking dope. He rose up. "Never thought of this before, Tohru?"

"I would if I had known Uncle still had his good chi left. Without that chi, his signature would be completely unknown."

"See how my smart my boy is?" Mama Tohru added, feeling left out once more. "Soon enough, he'll have Billy Goat, hook, line, and sinker. Then I'm going to cook his brains out!!!!"

Not really aware of Mama Tohru's acidic remarks, Jackie Chan smiled and patted Tohru's shoulder amusingly. "I knew you could do it! Um….but how are you going to do it?"

"The ingredients are still available at the shop," Tohru rose a finger for every item that counted. "Hummingbird saliva, two eggs, cubed tongue of cow, powdered chengdu garlic, lining of rabbit stomach, an apple half-eaten by Uncle-"

"Ulh! Half-eaten apple?" Jackie spoke in disbelief as everyone started walking their way.

Being Uncle's apprentice, Tohru seemed hardly fazed by everything he said. "That'll be the key ingredient for finding him, Jackie."

"So that's why Uncle took that half-eaten apple I took!" Jade exclaimed excitably. "I've got to get that spell, so I could find Ruby with it. I let Ruby eat that apple, not myself!"

"Uh, Jade," Tohru began nervously, "there's something you should know about the spell."

Jade jumped on Tohru's shoulders, sitting down comfortably above the rotund tower of power. "I know, Tohru. You've got to chant 'Gyu-mo-gue-guai-fai-dee-tzao' while the final concoction's done, so that Jackie can find Uncle!"

"Not only that, Jade. The ingredients will be mixed into a drink for Jackie to drink while I state the magical chant. Only then will your uncle find THE Uncle." Tohru turned around his massive shoulders. "Now where'd Jackie Chan go?"

Not far off, an Asian-American in blue and brown was clearly leaning over an emergency fire truck at the convention's parking lane.

"Aw, shit!" the captain of the truck outburst as he saw what the man had delivered. "And we just had a car wash yesterday!"

To Be Continued…

A/N: There now! Two chapters for today. Ain't I being a charitable Luchadore? Well, for those Extremo Luchadore fans, I shall write forth more of this story now that my madness has faded off. Worrying about when FFN will return is no more to the Extremo Luchadore, so goodbye, FFN-itis, and don't come back!

Oh, yeah. Lime coming up next…

Adios, amigos! 


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: Tajeri Lynn blasts you off to Say Uncle, Chapter 3! All new revelations, all new ideas, and all new excitement, originally made from 3 weeks ago. Mm, hmm, fresh pickings we have today! By the by, if you like this story, check out "Genma Hiryumusha" in the Spleef's site at Spleerz.com 

As said before, JCA is really part of Kids WB's roster and owned by JC himself. Currently, I can not own the company if I must take driving school. Going from East L.A. to El Monte gets your heart pumping and your ass aching, believe me on this.

Say Uncle

Chapter 3: Past Times

BRRRMM! BRRRRRRMMMMM!

Jackie Chan feared those noises. His ears picked them up like a hand picked up prickly spurs; very painfully and regrettably. Those sounds came from a blender whirring away at the aforementioned ingredients, rabbit guts, to finding Uncle. Tohru the 600 pound sumo utilized his 2 years' worth of chi magic experience as well as his 10 year cooking experience in unison to blend in what was bound to be a distasteful smoothie. He knew how distasteful it must be. That was why he locked a tiny wooden nose pin on his arrow-shaped proboscis to prevent himself a knock-out whiff of the juice.

Everyone was aware of what Jackie did whenever he was put in charge of managing the magical stuff; he'd try his best to inch his loafers and himself out of the shop. But Jade, Black, Mama Tohru and especially Tohru didn't want to see any of that. The Chan Man was bound to his favorite cedar chair, piles of hairy crude rope binding against his slick extremities, throwing the notion of escape to the winds. Jackie knew this safety measure was nothing apart of crazy; there was his cherished Uncle to rescue....It wasn't like Jackie himself needed any rescuing from anything....unless it was a bad drink that made him green to his stomach. Come to think of it, wasn't that what he was cowering from now?

"Tohru, after you apply the drink to Uncle Jackie, then what?" queried lithesome Jade, who was sitting right in front of a seat's back side.

"Once Jackie has swallowed the entire drink, he'll have to wait half an hour for it to take effect. In the meantime, I have found additional precautions that will help us find sensei." Tohru grabbed a scarlet pouch tied by a golden rope and stuffed to its fullest. "According to the text, you, Black and my mommy will need to dance around and throw this chi powder in the air while I recite a favorite poem of Uncle's."

"You've got to be kidding me," commented a befuddled Jackie between the sumo and the darling niece of Chan's. Jackie looked up in the air, begging who knows what to come down and untie him.

Jade turned back to Tohru. "So what kind of dance will it be, T-Man? The funky chicken? I'd love to do that." On cue, she locked her little knuckles together and kicked her feet to and fro, accidentally knocking a Ming Dynasty china off the edge of a table.

Tohru gingerly caught the pot and made forth his reply. "Any kind of dance will do, Jade. The text wasn't too specific on that. As long as the dances arouse the necessary spirits, you'll do fine." He shoved the 2 grand-commodity in a more central haven on the table, before he reversed direction and stooped low to a three-level bookshelf. 

"Need help there, Tohru?" Captain Black sipped a cup of joe while his back was against a wall.

"I can manage. I need to find the appropriate lines to further the power of the spell."

"A chant? That shouldn't be too hard. Doesn't Jackie's Uncle always say 'Goo May Gay Fat Deed Zoo?' "

Jade looked at Tohru in a smugly unhappy manner. "T-Man, maybe we shouldn't let Black dance around. He might turn himself into a frog again."

"Jade!" Black exclaimed, his pride sorely hurt.

Tohru's gentle yet loud steps easily silenced everyone. "I remember Uncle loves poems, often he tries writing some. Perhaps a recitation from one will awaken his chi even further." He rummaged through a vertical stack of books that were a tad dusty and lacking of any labels. Tohru immediately knew these books were of a more private scale.

"Hmm..." he grabbed each book, explaining the title out loud as he reverted them next to his feet. " 'Uncles for Dummies'....'Nephews for Dummies'....'8-Track Tapes: The Future is Here'.... 'Playboy's Girlfriends'?" his eyes expressed miles of confusion.

"Oh, hah hah, sorry," Jackie smiled sheepishly from his chair. "Uncle took that from me after he caught me reading it."

Black opened the mag and looked at it oddly. "Jackie, you actually like nude women in goldfish tanks?"  


"Huh?! I never remembered seeing that in my issue."

"Um, uh, never mind, Jackie, that's not what we're trying to find right now," Tohru stuttered as if immediately defending someone. He wistfully snatched the magazine from an already wide-eyed Captain Black, adding, "No time for personals, Mr. Black," of which the Section 13 elite dropped his shoulders and replied with a droopy "Awww."

"This is what I was looking for..." He found a ringed notebook with white cardboard covers, the frontmost reading "Uncle's Favorite Peoms."

"Peoms?" Jackie asked, almost willing to scratch his head were it not for the rope fastening his arms.

"Poems, Chan." Tohru explained. "Your Uncle must've tried his hand at this for some time. Hmm, he actually has one for Jade."

"Really?!" Jade was excited. "What does it say? What does it say?"

The following poem was read and it looked like this....

"He has another one..." Tohru read on.

"Jade,

Good at kung fu,

Bad at school,

Jackie visits my competitor again,

He is fool!"

"Um...I don't get it," Jade replied rather gloomily. "That last part didn't quite get along."

"Well, it is a little bit of Uncle's thoughts," Jackie nodded to hasten Tohru to the process. "If poems help with our magic spell, then they must do."

"Bah, this place stinks like Billy Goat's left a mess everywhere. Here now, green tea, my personal delicacy," Mama Tohru entered in serving porcelain cups for the four adults, though only half of them actually drank such tea before. Of course, they being the Tohrus, no less. "Who'd have ever thought, Jackie? Your Billy Goat actually keeps boxes of green tea in his kitchen. I thought he only ate cans!"

"Um, thank you," Jackie dismissed the final comment gently and released his arms from the chair. He grabbed the cup and almost gulped it down in a single swig when Tohru's massive arm gently fastened to the Chan Man's arm.

"Better not, Jackie. We'll serve you your....uh, smoothie first, and maybe then you can drink your tea."

"Wha-Smoothie?! Oh, of all the names you can come up with!" Jackie bemoaned.

"I guess we know why we needed to tighten you up like this," Black concluded jokily. "You're just as scared of diets like some tabby cats I know."

"Well, Jackie better drink up, better now than never," commented Mama Tohru with a nod. "The sooner Billy Goat returns to his stable, the sooner I give him the cream whipping of a lifetime!"

"Jackie, are you ready?" Tohru walked towards the Chan Man with a smoky smoothie.

"About an hour ago...", Jackie mumbled depressingly as Tohru handed him a plastic cup smelling like a century-old milkshake. Before he could barf out his lunch, Jackie was also handed a wooden nose pin applied not-too snugly on his square sniffer. "Do you have mouth pins too?" Jackie glumly added, despite the bass tone from his sealed nostrils.

Tohru smiled for only a while as he grabbed Uncle's poem book and Mama Tohru, Black and Jade proceeded to the cashier's table to ready the appropriate ceremony.

"Jackie, it is recommended that you drink now. We will follow."

"Oh...Well, Uncle, I'm coming for you," Chan grabbed the cup, chapped his lips up and down in unease, and finally slopped the mess down his throat, butting the sensations of his taste buds far beyond the reaches of the brain. The ploy didn't entirely work to the desired avail, and his gut began rumbling noisily as if dispelling the anomalies to the heap. But Jackie needed to absorb the concoction, if not for his sanity, then his Uncle's.

Uncle....

Uncle......

******************************************************************************

It was 1977, the year that a little Asian boy named Jackie Chan got into loads of trouble after school. San Francisco, as was many other cities in America, was going top and bottom for a little movie about intergalactic pilots, a princess with cinnamon-bun buns, and some asthmatic villain who was also a total fashion failure. Jackie Chan hadn't seen the movie yet; too many kids were camping across streets just for one glance at the movie. By this time, it was especially certain. The world of America was preparing for a prospect where technology, man-made objects of electricity, would command all.

It was preparing for a digital future.

But Jackie Chan need not want to prepare for such a future. He was trained by his Uncle to carry on a Chinese tradition, unchanged by centuries of mankind's progress.

The art of butt whup. 

But the art of butt whup was not one easily to be bestowed. Uncle told Jackie once that the ability of using a single martial art, or a hybrid thereof, required more than depending on the past. To rely entirely on the past was invitation to falling to the rain of arrows forged by the interests of the future. Little Chan was advised not to let his kung fu tweak at those who may fail to understand, and only use the ancient art when it was absolutely necessary.

Little Chan probably didn't clean his ears right at the time, because he didn't quite get that last part as his Uncle wished him to.

Kids at his school had seen him leap up and over in school, but being impressed by him was beside the point. Chan was a lanky daredevil whose daily grand prize was winning the attention of school bullies who needed to refresh their knuckles on human flesh. No spectator really wanted to join in on the ensuing melee.

As he walked back to Uncle's Rare Finds, Little Chan, skinny-boned and in his favorite blue and tan-yellow hues, hit a snag by a corner.

"Unn! What?" Little Chan pondered around as he had collapsed front first, unable to land his palms and toes on the floor like Uncle had taught him to. His synthetic book bag didn't improve matters any further. Instead, it weighed his back down like a volcanic rock. An extra weight applied to his back, and Little Chan turned around.

"Get up," one of the taller kids said to Little Chan, beckoning the China-Boy's presence with a flapping sooty palm. He also rose a black boot from the small of Chan's back.

Little Chan quietly did as he was told, and while at it, he patted the dust his clothes collected from the asphalt . "Hello, Reese," he spoke shyly. "Something wrong?"

"Tell you what is wrong, China-Chan! Face it; all you martial artists don't belong here. I don't see why we even brought jerks halfway around the world to live here. Climbing around on the playground, eating away at our rep, you make me sick."

"I-I can't help it!" Jackie cried helplessly. "It's what I like to do, I-I don't want to hurt you guys."

"You already did! Can't you see that through your big head? Or perhaps I should bust you one and see if you can see it now!"

"Yeah, Reese, get him good and send him home without a plane!" one of Reese's cronies bellowed.

"Kick his ass and teach him who's better at fighting!" another kid yelled unmercifully.

"Teach him, and I'll have to teach all of you," someone suddenly spoke afar from the circle.

"Hey, who said...Angus!?"

"Aw, naw, it's Angus!"

Reese angrily tightened the cuff of Little Chan's neck as a young boy far taller and thicker than any of them walked up to them. He grew a mohawk of crimson hair down his head, and his emerald eyes were frightening and downright imposing.

Reese tried steadying a sudden awkwardness in his mouth. He rose up Little Chan in front of his right half as a shivering human shield. "Don't you dare bruise me again, Angus! We agreed to it that we not mess with your business."

"But you're hurting Jackie Chan, and he's a friend of mine. So now, you ARE messing with my business. Now what'll I have to do to buy him back?" Angus slowly looked up at the sky in thought, crunching his knuckles to bring out that intimidating sound of a future victim.

Reese sweated, stared at Little Chan, growled audibly and threw him against the unmovable Angus. "You ain't gonna do nothin', cause he's yours. Didn't know he was a friend of yours, really we didn't."

"Remember this, Reese," Angus threatened. "I have a lot more friends than you think."

"Yeah, you sure do. Well, buds, maybe it's about time the ice-cream truck stopped by our neighborhood."

"Uh-huh."

"That's cool."

"And if the driver don't got any strawberry sundaes again, we'll teach HIM a lesson."

"Then let's move out."

The bullies faded off into the hillside street as if it were a horizon.

Angus handed back Little Chan a textbook that had fallen off his loosened bag. Chan held the book tightly and only wished to give Angus his thanks.

"That was nice of you, Angus," he spoke, scratching his head at the tall kid's powerful wordplay. "I didn't know you were my friend either."

"Maybe someday, Jackie," Angus smiled. "Bullies sicken me to my stomach. I swear, one day, I'm going to stop bullies all around the world, and I'm going to make it my job."

"Heh, that's nice, but I prefer something less dangerous, like finding lost treasure all over the world."

"Well, what do you know, another globe-trotter. Who knows, Jackie? Maybe someday, we'll be sharing the same mission."

Jackie nodded multiple times. "I hope so. But for now, it's me and my Uncle teaching me kung fu lessons."

"You? Kung fu lessons? Keep that up, and maybe I'll hire you to be my bodyguard," the tall kid planted a hefty palm on Jackie's shoulder. The Chan Lad momentarily lost his footing, but didn't take the gesture offensively and just went on going.

"Oh, don't be silly, Angus," Jackie spoke as his mud-brown loafers sent him crossing the walkways leading closer to the shop. As he continued, his voice shifted to a domain of urgency. "I do want to use my kung fu to protect people like you do, but...I feel that Uncle needs to be protected first."

"Respect your elders. Heard that before," Angus replied with an air of understanding. He then pointed a wandering Jackie to the correct avenue, one where there were no construction sites, pickpockets or speeding vehicles. "Go this way, Jackie. Your Uncle's about a few blocks from here."

"I know," Jackie looked down at the floor, quietly amusing himself by jumping over the gaps between cement tiles for no real reason but the thrill of a makeshift game. Even as his face pointed downward, his eyes angled to maintain eye contact with the willful redhead. Jackie then expressed a huge, wallowing sigh, as if to concede a bit of honesty. "Sigh....Angus, I'm getting more worried with Uncle."

"Worried with Uncle? Let me guess. His 8-Tracks aren't selling well?"

"No, it's something else. Lately, in the middle of the night, I can hear him talking to somebody he kept calling a chi...master..somebody who knew spells and magic."

"Magic, is it? Okay. Need I tell you that I'm a monkey's uncle?"

"I agree with you, Angus, something's not right with Uncle. I kept asking him about the chi master who kept arriving to his house, and he warned me that I wasn't ready, I wasn't....strong enough. That's why I have to learn this kung fu, Angus. Maybe if I become a little stronger, then Uncle wouldn't have to push me away when he needs my help."

"I-guess that'll work, Jackie. Look, there's your Uncle's shop," Angus frowned abruptly at the entrance. "Jackie, is that smoke coming out of the shop?"

Jackie dropped his books in a deafening thump.

Thump.

Thump.

******************************************************************************

Thump.

"Jackie?" Tohru's huge, concerned face covered Jackie's entire viewpoint. His massive feet had thumped their way to check on Jackie's condition.

"Ohhh," Jackie pulled himself out of his work chair and stretched his arms and legs in unkempt directions. As he retracted back into the seat, his half-slit eyes wandered to the sumo, as if forgetting who the giant individual had been. "T-Tohru? What happened to Uncle?"

"Uncle disappeared, Jackie. That was why you had to drink the...uh, milkshake, to find him. You passed out after you drank it all." Tohru realized he still had the poem book under his arm, and so he dropped the dusty text over the cashier's desk. Small clouds of dust fluttered down to the floor. "I found a particular poem about Uncle's days as an 8-Track salesman. Perhaps I may read it to you again."

"Later. Uh...I don't feel much different from the spell. Uhhh," the Chan Man bent a weary shoulder on the chair rest. "I certainly don't feel much happier."

"None of us do, Jackie", Captain Black added in, apparently shuffling through the midpage of the magazine he had started "reading" from a few minutes back. "None of us do. From what Tohru read, the spell won't take effect in two hours." He looked up when the content wasn't getting much hotter. "I've initiated a couple of Section 13 resources to locate your Uncle until then."

"Can't you make this spell go faster?"

"Don't ask me about magic, Jackie. I'm the one who turned myself into a frog."

"I'm sorry, Jackie, but this was the best spell I could find," Tohru explained, suddenly reminded that he had to grab the pouch of the remaining chi powder and store it back to the proper shelf. "Most spells of this kind would take days or years."

"In other words, two hours sound good enough a time to collect all the talismans and use them to find Uncle." Jade hopped into the conversation from the elevated shelf where she accomplished her joyously temporal rest. "So what do you say, Jackie? Let's start getting into the action right now."

"Jade, we are not going to bring the talismans into this," Jackie growled uneasily, for growling wasn't an everyday trait he conditioned himself in. "No one's bringing the talismans except for the Horse. I don't want to hurt Uncle anymore, Jade."

"Uh, we know that, Uncle Jackie...." Jade frowned, drastically taken aback by her uncle's stormy mood... "Don't be angry, Jackie. I'm just trying to help. Uncle means a lot to me, to us, you know."

"So true," Mama Tohru waved a nasty index finger as if Uncle was face-to-face with her right now. She let her feelings be known. "I'll help Billy Goat because there is not enough punching bags around to satisfy me!"

Jackie rose up an index finger and scowled his face in readiness for a full-blown chide, but weariness won over and he dispelled all the gestures to the wind. He merely kept low hints of gloom in him, from the eyebrows barely pointing away from his nose to the constant blinking of his thinned eyes. "I don't need help right now, not until the spell works. I'm getting tired." He unreasonably scratched his knees and the temple of his face while he clambered up the creaky-as-hell stairway. "I think two hours may be good for a sleep. I don't feel like meeting anyone right now."

The 4 others watched the gloomy Chan Man make his exit from the stage that was the main root of Uncle's shop. Black knew Jackie was feeling terrible about Uncle. Staying where the shop was reminded Jackie too much of how Uncle kept everything so colorful for someone so sturdy of age.

Even Black had to admit that that garlic smell was such a sore no-show by now.

A/N: Man, JCA's going at the speed of molasses right now. Or is it just that everyone's got a slow day too? OH well, here you go, my first update in some time. Relax for now. Adios!

To Be Continued.....


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Tajeri Lynn the Extremo Luchadore is back again with another installment of JCA mania! The plot of "Say Uncle" is mine, but the characters and such belong to the real slim Jackie, Sony and Kids Dubba-You-Be.

JCA fans, salute! From the way Extremo Luchadore sees it, by next summer, JCA will have accomplished 65 tales. Killer! Pray that it can go through a hundred.

Now that that's been said, let's get on with SU. Again, muchos gracias to those reading this. You fans have a lot to say!

Say Uncle

Chapter 4: Steal Me

He was still too close to the shop.

Still too close to those reminders.

He had to add an extra mile or so from it.

Besides, Uncle may be slicing and dicing somewhere in the city.

Was worth the chance.

So as far as he thought, Jackie didn't want to waste time in deep contemplation over past ordeals. The past wasn't supposed to repeat itself in the present, he refused to acknowledge such an ideal. Thus did Jackie tie together a ruffle of bed-sheets into a flimsy series of rope, and ensuring that the bedroom door was properly double-locked, he lowered the sheets out the window, dipped himself out of his bedroom window, and paced his feet down against the brick wall of the shop. He only needed to reach the midpoint between the window and the sidewalk before dropping down and landing as safely as a feline customarily would from such a distance.

He stared one more glance at the wall of the shop, just to assure himself that the rope wasn't long enough for anyone save him to reach, and then he skittered off across a row of street lights, which imbued a trail of his shadows following his every move.

Jackie knew this was stupider than anything he ever accomplished. Funny that he kept telling Jade not to make impromptu escapes using bed-sheets, but Jackie quickly excused himself with two reasons. One, being in the shop told him there was no Uncle; the presence of Jade, Tohru, Mama Tohru and Black combined couldn't assuage him from that. And two, being in the shop wasn't being productive. Black's team may have a shot at Uncle, but they didn't understand Uncle's physique as well as Jackie did. Uncle was a sly rubber band of an old man; Section 13 ran a high risk of being too careful trying not to hurt him and then being too reckless trying to stop him dead in his tracks.

Dead....Why in the world did Jackie have to think of that?

RIIING!

Jackie jumped like a cat who just saw a gruesome-looking mouse. The sudden noise in the middle of streets so void of sound had shattered his thoughts. Oh no, was he being in deep thought again? He swore not to-

RIIING!

Straining a growl and taking one more tear at his raven-hued tresses, Jackie picked up his cell phone and nearly slammed his thumb down on the disconnecting button, hopefully to snuff out any chance of Black or his friends finding him. Jackie wanted only to afford some peace and quiet; everyone in the shop felt too loud, no matter how soft they were knowing that Uncle was missing for what seemed like a whole season. Jackie didn't want to get a call, and if this was some crank call he'll have to kill this phone and get the local service to get a replacement. 

But this, this delivery he got was not the kind of call that was met by a voice. It was an electronic message sent forth by an unknown sender, someone by the cryptic name of "CraZ Grrl". He never heard of such a person trodding in his life before, but it was a female, so he assumed by the name. Not many women got his commissions e-mail address and even fewer ever pondered on his personal address. Only one woman probably got his address and that was Viper, though apparently she had snuck into his pockets and tinkered with the phone's data, because there was not a single day that Jackie recalled giving his friend the address. That left Jade being the possible sender, but no, she never was one to let her mouth go to waste, and at urgent, angsty moments like this, she would talk to him loud and clear. Besides, the message left behind sounded all too intimate.

Please share a night with me.

Observe the following, and we'll be fine.

Right in front of you, there'll be a bus route.

Took me ten minutes to reach where I am.

I've got all the time in the world, do you?

Alcatraz. Not the actual prison but quite next to it. Ta-ta, Mr. Chan.

Jackie was very surprised to be addressed by his last name, not to mention the "ta-ta" closing remark. Since when did anyone go "ta-ta" to him?

Well, whoever it was might not be too worn out by his momentary loss. Jackie felt a tad guilty of resorting to fun when Uncle was gone, but Black said so himself; that spell wouldn't come into effect by an hour and agents were everywhere searching for Uncle. What were the chances that Jackie could run into him, anyway?

Just in case he did, he would really have to apologize to this woman, if this was bound to be a really fine matter.

******************************************************************************

Jackie walked out of a metropolitan bus, the kind where the bus driver was so preoccupied he seemed heartless or uncaring for not having said good-bye to his departing passengers. But never mind that, bus drivers were not in lieu with this woman Jackie was about to confide with. Hopefully she would be one to keep his mentality in check. He had to make himself sane or else Uncle himself may never be sane again. Jackie continued his way to the roadway adjacent to the moonlit waters of San Francisco Bay.

There she stood, in a long dark coat and bristling long hair reaching down to her waist. She had one hand on a telescope situated for tourist viewing of the Alcatraz prison, and her fingers tapped over the scope sequentially, from the pinky to the thumb in a cycle of boredom. From how she angled herself to the left, she was not staring at Alcatrax but rather at the waves of the bay, which glowed as the waters rose up, and dimmed as the waters sunk down. Why she alighted herself in such an environment was beyond Jackie, though there was no denying that nature was certainly a lot prettier than a hunk of island junk. The Chan Man proceeded forward gingerly and rose up a hand when her sunglass-donned eyes caught him around her circle.

"Hello, miss," he made a smile despite his inner conflicts. "I...I got your call and...bwah-YOU?!" His face sunk to a frown.

Hearing his greeting, the woman had removed her sunglasses, and her eyes were a familiar shade of color like those of rich red grapes in a renaissance of harvest. She didn't let her eyes open wide; in fact, they were slightly sleepy, just as if to conceal her sharpened readiness for trouble.

But Jackie knew another thing; this woman was trouble as well.

"H-How did you.....?" Before he finished the question, Jackie made a scowl and queried, "I mean, why did you call me here?"

"To make my presence known, Mr. Chan. My, you sound even more venomous than the last time we convened. Did I really make you feel that bad?"

"Things have been much worse," Jackie snapped. "I don't want to confide myself among criminals."

Portia shut her mouth and stifled a chain of ticklish giggles. Jackie squinted his eyebrows to a level of impatience.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, half-confused and half-mad.

"Mr. Chan, I forgot to be thank you for our previous rendezvous."

"What for?"

She smiled assuring and crossed her arms. "For sparing me a getaway."

Portia Martindale was right. When she had aided in the pilfering of the Sutras of Rachtajhiba, she had intended to use the sutras to magically suck the Ganges dry and uncover its ultimate trove of booty. Very few a modern man would know what the sutras were capable of doing. Magic was a joke, a footnote in the pages of recent history. She couldn't have a criminal record; there were only a few individuals aware of the incident, and the sutras were returned to the proper guardian (albeit a magical one) so there was no use in handing the guilty party over for a crime that had no trace of evidence. 

"You were lucky, Portia," Jackie chided and stood rigid. "If it had been something more down to earth-"

"Down to earth? Oh, please, Mr. Chan, down to earth never is my type of venture."

"Then I suppose down-to-earth isn't your type of friend?" Jackie implied himself into the picture, quickly turning around to a oncoming bus so that he could hop in and get back to the shop. Of all the people he had to meet today....

"I don't quite see you as down-to-earth," Portia replied, cupping a hand on Jackie's.

"I do. It's how I think on my feet. Stop holding." Turning his face back to her sweet face, Jackie was disgusted, but spoke in a low key. "Please let go of me. I don't want to hurt you, ur, I mean...."

Portia pouted playfully, and dropped her hand. "And to think I was the cold one."

  
"I'm not cold. I'm just....chilling," Jackie was thinking about Jade right around that time, wondering if she was trying to unlock the door to his strangely noiseless bedroom. "Whether you're a criminal or not, I can't trust you."

"You sound like you're in trouble."

Jackie clenched his teeth, shut his eyes and frazzled his raven tresses like a rookie's massage. He dropped the frustrations and felt this was something he couldn't just run from. He help up his arm to read the time; 20 minutes till the spell worked. "Portia, I have enough trouble for one day..."

Portia halted Jackie by starting a reply, though it felt a tad difficult to execute it. "I-I don't want to cause trouble to you, Mr. Chan. If you must go...."

"Why so nice all of a sudden?" Jackie locked his eyebrows in a urgent glare. "Trying to trick me by sounding like nothing's wrong?"

"Jackie, just because I'm cold doesn't qualify me as ignorant. A friend of yours must be lost. Certainly that can't be a trick?"

Jackie's eyes were now agape in shock. "Wha-How long have you been following me?!"

"Since I transferred here to SFU this afternoon. It seems I'm about to be your new student, Mr. Chan. Wonder how that'll go. But the point of the matter is that you have lost somebody. Your face and your stance shows it."

Jackie glared at her. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

"My, what an interesting transformation of character we're seeing here," Portia shook her head but not disapprovingly. She had a way of feeling sorry when the other person wasn't. It was called feigning kindness.

"I-" Jackie got tongue-tied just as he had began. He just heard that for the first time since Uncle disappeared; transformation....What was he about to become? Why was it that it took years to polish up a clean friendliness and a minute to spawn a flow of hatred? He didn't get it, but just as Uncle was becoming this Kirishima, who may permanently occupy the body of Uncle, Jackie felt like he wasn't being human anymore. And a coquettish criminal knew this better than even his friends? What was the world spiraling into?

"Look, Portia," Jackie said, trying to be understandable, "I came here...oh, because I had time to spare, but now that it's 7:40, I have important business very soon. You can't know anything about it. I'm sorry if I'm leaving too early...." Jackie stared from one end of his face to another in hugely clueless state. Did I just I was sorry?"

"My ears don't fail me, Mr. Chan," Portia smiled. "You better leave, if the matter's of great importance."

Jackie held an index finger to indicate something that was singular. "One final question, and that is all. Why did you call me here?"

"After what you told me, I'm not sure if I-"

"Please. I need to know the answer."

"Well," she began, incredibly timid, "I want to let you know that there's been bad blood between us, but...I have a liking for you, Mr. Chan."

Jackie Chan collapsed on his knee, and rose back up to see the baffled Portia with tiny pupils occupying the whites of his eyes. "What?! How could you-?"

An air of unreadiness slid across her mouth. "Mr. Chan, Jackie Chan, I have met many men who've come and gone wherever I roam, and you've been the most impressive man I've gotten to know. There's a certain charm about you that I can't shrug off, and I'm not referring to your gullibility. I know this is hard, me being a crook, but when I broke your trust, nothing was the same. The man I hung out with was disappointed with my not getting the treasure and well, to be concise, I realized he didn't have the selflessness you have, no other man did. Maybe that was why I stole the sutras, to gain some attention, from someone who'd care, but, I can't be quite certain of that....My, how long have I been rambling?"

"Not too long," Jackie replied, his ears were wide open in case the ringing of his cellphone came up. A quick glance at the watch told him there was 15 minutes left. "Continue."

"Is my story that gripping?"

"Stories relax me," Jackie replied. He realized he had spent more time talking to her than anyone else all day long. Could one dub that a grand achievement of sorts?

Portia plucked off an occasional leaf that clung to her coat as the night became eerily breezy. "I better make it quick, Mr. Chan. I came here to change my luck, that and improve on my anthropology. I think a new home will help curb my ambitions. I used to think there were simpler means of getting rich, but they weren't worth it. I might as well resort to my old trade of archaeology. I won't return to thievery anymore."

"Don't always believe that, Portia. Ancient proverb," he faced very closely, confident that his abilities were not one for Portia to meddle. "You can take yourself away from the crime, but you can not take the crime out of yourself."

".....Come again?" Portia cocked her face to one side, a gesture usually done by the Chan Man himself.

"It'll take time for me to change what I think of you, Portia. I fully trust anyone, but the first time they do something wrong, I become much more careful. And I think on my feet." At around that time, Jackie thought about a giant sumo who for so long was smashing through walls just to break Jackie Chan, all leading down to a quiet scene of the sumo humming about, brooming a shop and saving Jackie from slipping off a puddle of Jade's spilled milk on the floor. Jackie began thinking carefully, and smiled in a rather friendly mood. "But.....I have a friend who once was on the wrong side of things, so I know people can change. So don't feel left out." He walked to an oncoming bus. "I don't know when I'll see you again, but maybe at the university. And don't try to cheat on your exams. That too would be a crime."

"Cheat, Mr. Chan? Writing notes on my arms would be a terrible sense of fashion, wouldn't you agree?" She lifted her coated arms up for Jackie to see; they were prettier than any girl in some shameless magazine.

Jackie looked up at her. "Your hands are nice, but that coat hides your arms very well," he grinned in a giddy and teasing manner. "....Good night, Portia," Jackie waved a thoughtful good-bye as he trotted inside the bus and began fumbling around his pockets for a bus token. The bus went its merry way down to Chinatown and Portia saw the Chan Man's form slip from the bus' sudden jerk as it halted by a stoplight in the horizon.

Portia rubbed her hands together in relief, clasping in some nice bay breeze to soothe her palms. "Well, that worked well indeed." She grabbed a cell phone and looked at her time. "Half an hour left. By now, Mr. Wong will be interrogating on Kirishima. Maybe then, I can finalize this stint and come clean upon the nick of time. I can't afford to hurt Jackie for doing any more crimes. It wouldn't make do for the new Portia Martindale."

To Be Continued..... 

A/N: I guess you know what was with that mysterious message. Don't know? Look at the first letters on each line, and you'll understand.

I don't know where I'm going from here, cause this was where I had prepared and then my mind got to a pit stop. Updates after this may take a long while, I don't know. I think this was a weird chapter, how 'bout you? (My brother and I like Viper, honestly we do. But we agree that Portia has just as much potential to fit in with Jackie; remember how not everyone agrees with Jade and Paco? Okay, so this ain't the same, but I think Jackie and Portia's rapport could fit in nicely. It's super HARD to write about a one-episode character.) Well, until his thinking groove gets back on board, this is Tajeri Lynn, saying Adios to the amigos who worship JCA!


	6. Chapter 5

9-6

A/N: Tajeri Lynn, you know the rest, is rested and ready for action with Chapter Cinco of the adventuresome "Say Uncle". Kids WB possesses JCA, as does Sony and Jackie Chan himself. I must state this disclaimer over and over again in return for the chance to send this fic for all amigos to see.

The heat kills anyone here in Cally. Ants start crawling all over the house. Cats are meowing restlessly around the front porch left and right. No new ECW videos come around until September 10th. And everyone's gone to college save Extremo Luchadore. Must....keep...writing....

10-1

Well, college is packed with more homework than ever. Lots of papers have to be written by the end of this year. When I want to write something, I didn't mean reports...but ah, well. Tajeri Lynn really needs some help whenever he can.

Ice-chan, I ACCEPT your offer of help with writing whenever you're available. 

10-20

I am absolutely taking forever trying to sort this out.

10-23

Good gosh, how long's it been?! Already I've received my ECW videos and still nothing big worthy of an update on the Say Uncle thingy....ARGH! Well, by tomorrow, this'll most likely be finished. After that, ANOTHER LONG PERIOD! This reminds me of another fanfic writer (who shall not be blighted by having name revealed) who takes way over a month or longer to update a series. Well, I'm joining the club.....

10-25

No, not again! All I'll say is that I'm posting this as a sneak preview. Enjoy, fans!

Say Uncle

Chapter 5: A Matter of Sane

Kenzo Yokanawa was peering in the tall, eerily shaped temple in Asia. He had hated everything here. But hate wasn't the beginning of it. This temple bore him not the mercy of air conditioning, as wisps of smoke came rubbing by his nose without any scent of perfume. There also lied pools of bewildering liquids streaming from a high spiral column at the center of the temple. The liquids shone an emerald glow which painted the faces of every human being standing in patience. Kenzo hated this glow; it reminded him of how he missed the green of money, and how much one was willing to hold still for it, while the other, a scraggly old man with alternating gray and emerald eyes, crouched above the column as if in meditation. 

"So when's Martindale coming back?" Kenzo asked the crouching old man, begging his superior to speak up, for once.

"Do not ask me questions for which you have the answers," the old man spoke in a rasp. 

"I don't trust her, is what it is. As if me and the animal-man weren't plenty enough, we hitched a bunch of hissies into our line!"

Daolan Wong watched the arrow-nosed ex-gangster with hooked angles on his yellowing eyes. "I understand nothing about your choice of descriptions. You should be aware of where your friends could be."

"Quite true, Master Wong," Vanessa peered from the shadows. "Our fellow Kenzo here hasn't learned what it means to remain quiet." She cracked a whip and Kenzo's glasses flung up into the air. The mobster's hands swished aimlessly to catch them, but Vanessa lashed the whip again and in seconds the glasses were in her hands. "I may be carrying a bull whip, but don't you go prancing about me like I'm bull!

"Give me back my glasses!"

"You want them? Earn them!" She flung her hand into the air and Kenzo hopelessly swished everywhere. She in fact was still clutching the pair, but Kenzo was too near-sighted to figure that out.

"Stop at once!" rasped the old man. "I did not send you here to play games among us. The man behind Kirishima...you have...taken him?"

Kenzo tussled adamantly and childishly at Vanessa's hands, regaining his glasses and thrusting them to his face as if to lock his commodity from wary villains, even though he laid back beyond the horizons of good.

Vanessa sneered at Kenzo, and turned to reply back to Daolan Wong. "Kirishima, you ask? Right behind me." Vanessa spoke proudly as Kirishima had been tied left and right with a bunch of handcuffs. He was hopping all over the place distraughtly, and only a chi spell from Daolan Wong forced the maniac to delve below his level, literally, by sinking into a puddle on the floor that hardened, harder than even diamond. "Binding him was necessary. He grew rambunctious once the spell sent him here. He thought we were killing him."

"Is he dangerous?" the old man queried.

"Only in his words," Vanessa reassured him.

"Words can mean everything for some people. I know that better than anyone....." Finding a leisurely stroll fit for his decrepit form, Daolan Wong proceeded downwards below his ziggurat. "However, he would most likely not be such. Untie him. I must speak to Kirishima."

Kenzo growled. "We got the sword. Why get him now?"

"You should know what I'm capable of. I'm well prepared for what Kirshima is capable of. But first, I must see him," Daolan Wong smiled, baring his infamous yellowish teeth which Kenzo would always retreat his line of sight from.

With that, the iron cuffs withered down like bits of a butterfly's cocoon, tempering away to give rise to the marvelous being within. Daolan Wong's wonder metamorphosed into regret at seeing a less marvelous and rather overtly familiar persona staring at him with a brown shoe tapping the stone floors.

"The good chi wizard!?" Daolan Wong backed a few paces off until Vanessa prodded him a few paces forward. Superiors weren't supposed to move away if the lessers did not.

Vanessa eyed her master strangely. "You've seen this senior before? You've never even trekked half a globe in your entire life!"

"This wizard has followed my plans many times before, a rat to my side," he whispered, eyes peering to the side where Vanessa stood. "What strange luck that he be filled with the curse that Kirishima holds!"

Kenzo cocked a shotgun from a suitcase and spun it in a spiral to jam two red caps inside. "Then I say we off him! Less people to divide the treasure to!" SHOOM! "Ah!"

A blue spear of a wisp had shattered the arm into a million pieces. Kenzo groaned with a harsh gasp and nearly choked out from the sudden tinge of pain.

"Destroying him won't change how we divide the treasure you speak of," Daolan Wong spoke, his palm carrying a smoking jaw that closed shut into normal skin, a hint of irritancy lurking beneath his dark heart. "The old man may as yet be of some _other_ use."

"What is going on here? What are you keeping me, Kirishima, master of a thousand blades, from? I am tired of not holding my blade. Give it back to me! Give me give me give me!"

"Exactly what sort of use? A fudged up alarm clock?" Kenzo spoke snidely to the side of the green and gray-eyed sorcerer.

Daolan Wong crept his way into the mastery.

"Kirishima, I am Daolan Wong, soon to be the master of all Asia. We came for your powerful sword, and are thankful that you have obeyed us without causing us much trouble." Daolan Wong waved his dying-yellow fingertips so they met each other sequentially. "However, we are worthy of having your great aid, and in return, you can regain the memory you wish, the memory of Kinto Kirishima."

"Great aid? You are mistaken! Mine is of Grraaand aid!" Kirishima pondered to a table and rose it up over his head, of which he fell crumpled to his knees. The stone table he attempted to carry threaten to level the senior, but blue wisps shot out from the dark chi wizard's hand and 

"As you wish, Kirishima," Daolan Wong smiled. "But you must've grown weary from your day. Kenzo, lead Kirishima to that corner over there, where he will need rest for this night."

"I have no need of any resting!" Kirishima boomed. "I am a very fine warrior! You cheated me out of my test of strength with your magic. I'd summon my magic and you would see who, I, Kirishima, was destined to be!"

"He's difficult," Daolan Wong muttered solely to his and Vanessa's ear reach. "It would seem Kirishima's temper has conjoined itself with the old man's own. But not to worry." He cast a foggy spell towards Kirishima and grumbled what Kenzo dubbed "nonsense for old women". With that, Kirishima flopped to the floor with his limbs awkwardly positioned like those were vesitigial. "Fortunately," Daolan Wong smiled, "it appears that even the most lively of demonic forces can be naive to the power of Daolan Wong. Now, Kenzo, dispatch whatever power you have and take Kirishima away from my chamber. Seeing him will blight my concentration for the plans I hold for him." 

Now Vanessa Barone began questioning her master's brand of logic. "That wrinkle-brain can't do without that sword of ours," she whispered behind Daolan Wong. "All I saw of him was a reckless fool who hacked and slashed distraughtly. That Indian vixen actually was able to stop him with those ninny gloves of hers. The cowardice in her! She must be so scared that she decided to stay in San Francisco!"

The indubitable living rubber gloves whapped the heel of Barone's leg, expressing resentment at that remark. Vanessa yanked a leather-covered heel that sent the gloves smacking the smudgey, algae-infested walls. Had it not been for their typically inanimate forms, these gloves would've echoed Wong's silent temple with raucous four-letters. 

"Portia stayed?" Daolan Wong crept an eyebrow, at once feeling cautious by this turnaround of villainy itinerary. The gloves skittered to the safety behind Daolan Wong's wistful cloak.

"Naturally, so she said," Vanessa stared begrudgingly as Kenzo had reentered the main core of the temple. She wished the purple-coated Yokanawa gangster had turned a cat and gone to beauty sleep. "She's staying near Chinatown, figuring that no one's in need of her service. She doesn't have a record anyway, so she's leaving clean."

"She would not request any treasure? No reward?"

"Believe me, Daolan Wong, even I can't read what goes on in that woman's mind. Least she agrees that Mr. Kirishima is nothing but a pompous parasite to your plan!" 

"Like the rest of your friends, Barone, you can not see the potential held by the good chi wizard. He owns power that is counterpart to my own, the power of light chi, while I own the dark chi. To own him is to be able to control what HE owns; the Ying to my Yang. I will finally harness both sides of chi, and I will truly conquer all the lands!"

"Are you out of your mind, Daolan Wong? The good chi wizard, as you call him, is under the curse of Kirishima. Kirishima isn't supposed to remember anything from his host," Vanessa officiously pointed out in her English air.

"So spoke the curse of Kirishima indeed," Wong twiddled his fingers. "But I sense the wizard's chi still living inside Kirishima. My counterpart is resisting the demon's power with his abundant supply of good chi. This may explain why Kirishima is twice as stubborn as before. Impressive, but at once foolish, for the old man's valuable memory persists to live....Hmmm...."

"What is it?"

"I sense a good chi spell, very strong one....Someone's attempting to trail a way to the good chi wizard!"

"From how far?"

"The land of the New World. He is without question in search of his master. I shall send in Gan, Ren and Chui against him."

"Perhaps I would commend that I follow along too, just in case the going gets ugly." Vanessa lashed her whip across the floor. If there was one thing she loathed to the end of time, it was her hands falling asleep with the bullwhip serving more like a rolled-up pillow.

Daolan Wong tapped a yellow-nailed index finger upon his crooked staff, contemplating the thought, before he dropped the wonderment and replied. "No, you are too widely known. It is best you stay under the shadows. I, Daolan Wong, am one of magic, not of strength. I will need help keeping the fortress from intruders while my guardians are away. Kirishima is too precious to abandon."

"And what of the treasure?" Kenzo looked around. Being the younger of the Yokanawas, he always feared what was to become of his rewards, for they were always inching towards him before getting cut off for good. "All this night, you've spoken more about the prune than the great treasure we've agreed to. You're sure this will give us exactly what we want?"

"Yes, it will. And you don't need to divide the treasure with me. If all goes well, Kirishima's power will be the only treasure **I** will care about."

"And Portia?"

"I entrust she will not rat on me. While she may be away from our sights, she shall not be far from my power. I know where she'll be and where any of you will be, so long as this treasure remains not taken." Daolan Wong walked up to his stairway, kneeling down in front of his glowing cauldron of mists until further stimulus arrived.

Kenzo stared at Vanessa from the corner of his right eye. "And what are you still doing here?"

"Coming up with a plan, in case none of us agree on the treasure. I personally suggest you do that as well, nerd!" Vanessa lashed a whip that sent Kenzo jumping 3 feet off the air, before she went off on her own ventures.

******************************************************************************

"Jackie, we've got to get going!" Black called out to the door with a gentle rap, which was still not gentle enough to keep the Chan Man's name tag going one side sliding down to the corner.

A couple of locks and a gasping Jackie Chan emerged out of there. "Huff, hello, huff, Captain Black. Let us go, huff, wherever we must, huff, for Uncle's sake."

"Jackie, are you alright? You're sweating and hard for breathing. You didn't happen to do anything, well, not normal while you were in here, were you?"

"No, Black, I just had dreams, a lot of them."

"Oh," Black replied. When Jackie spoke of dreams, Black read that as a code name for "past nightmares." "Well, glad they were just dreams," he spoke out loud for Jade and Tohru to hear right at his back. "We better not be saying Uncle anytime soon, everybody. Jackie and I better leave the shop and head over to Section 13, where Jackie's sure to settle down better. Tohru, you might as well come with us."

"But why?" Tohru held out a hand, palm up, begging for an answer.

"Because without Uncle, you're as close to knowing this magic business than any of us," Jackie replied.

"Cool!" Jade burst out as she leapt onto T-Man's shoulder. "You know, if Tohru can't stay in the shop, then maybe-"

"No!" Jackie, Tohru, and Captain Black outburst into one godlike boom.

Jade frowned and slit her eyebrows in anger. "Hey, you goin' to leave me in the shop by myself? I'm not even old enough to handle my room!"

"Tohru's mother ought to get the job done," Captain Black commanded, and just at the moment the onion-headed matriarch of the sumo family stepped in. "Hello, Tohru's mother. Look, we're taking Tohru on an important mission, so we believe it's in the best of interests that you tend to the shop."

Tohru's mother spoke nothing, but trampled closer to the elite primer of Section 13. A jarring rumble and bang occurred all at once, as if a hammer from the heavens had slammed into a nail on the earth.

"OWCH! Argh! Grrr! For the love of-!" Black growled as he hopelessly grabbed at his left shoe and began dancing a true-blue flamingo dance, only to blue himself further by collapsing down across the rickety stairways, banging knees, head and tail end on the uneven settlements of wood.

"Bah!" Mama Tohru yelled down to the falling Captain. "What's this? Billy Goat not around, so now Bald Eagle pick on me? Shame on you!" She waved a finger as piercing a remark as a dart to the heart.

"Yiii-es!" Jade rose up her arms in triumph. "Mama T won't want to tend to the shop, so now-huh?"

"Bah, now what's this?! The little lamb think I can't handle stinky garbage pile while my son is out? Hmmph! Where you expect Tohru get his endurance from, CHILD?"

"Then, you'll be tending the shop, mommy?" Tohru asked, sheepishly.

Mama Tohru held her son lovingly with both sides of his cheeks. "Of course, Tohru. Maybe when you return, I make junk monger's shop look more of a shop than a hunka junk! You going to be so very happy when you come back."

"Um, please don't change too much, mommy. Sensei will be talking alot about the new changes."

"Ah, I know he will. He think change is bad, yet he is exception! Can't change his junk, can't change his hair, and-" she sniffed up at the ceiling, "Can't change garlic smell. Whoo-ee! Need smell of fresh-baked bread or something. Good think I brought my shower gel with strawberry seeds," Mama Tohru commented as she fished inside her purse, about the same size as her own head.

"Whoa, whoa! Too much information there!" shouted Black from somewhere below the staircase. Tohru, Jade and Jackie dropped their jaws as a vicious Mama T balanced herself off the steps and screamed "Aiiee!!" as she splashed against a particular target.

******************************************************************************

Back at Section 13, Johanovich Kepler, oversized goggles applied over his facade, was staring straight at the burnt wiring on his outcrop of laboratory machines, when he heard Black, Tohru and Jackie enter through the doorway. Kepler pinpointed a certain abnormality in his superior's physicality.

"I conjecture you'll require a remedy for your visual implements, Black?"

"Quiet, Kepler, and get me a bag of ice! I have no need for S.A.T.s!"

To Be Continued...

A/N: No, you don't have to say that. Shower gel with strawberry seeds feels weird. Yeah, I know.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: Well, when life gives you lemons.....chuck the lemons back at life! Welcome back, amigos to Chappie 6 of "Say Uncle", another product of Totally Bored Enterprises. My legions of fans are lying dormant from college work. Sigh....but the escapist adventure MUST go on.

I have to confess that the story's about to take a new direction. I've concocted its plotline since the summer but now it may change, if not because I've taken too much time starting the actual adventure feeling, which I don't think really has occurred. Well, here we go...

Say Uncle

Chapter 6: Know-hows

Captain Black began nursing his bruised eye with a cloth heavy with warm, mineral-free water. Nurses at Section 13 tried tending with him, but Black strayed off from their arms' reach for fear that he'd tingle their hearts. He'd rather not get cozy with women in the workplace. The blood-sucking Feds would love bumping off rebels off their elitist posts. Job opportunities were harder to catch than the flu, after all.

"I thought you said this would find Jackie's Uncle in minutes," Black half-urged, half-questioned to Tohru.

"May need more time," was all Tohru could come up with at the present moment. Checking up with Jackie proved more fulfilling.

Jackie rested upon a foldable steel chair in the midst of Kepler's private Eden, allegedly the safest room within Section 13. Coils of vast electronic wiring matted down the walls while populaces of lazy machinery had been given random spaces to occupy under the cap-wearing, science-fiction loving, no-time-for-bullshitting rocket scientist. Since the devastating incident with Xu Lin, Section 13 awaited days (though for Black, days felt like months) to incur the vast pool of funds necessary for conjuring every bone, every flesh, every drip of authoritative blood that the goliath of Section 13 had housed and always must house. Until the right day came, Section 13 had remained a shell of its former self, and Kepler's lab was the safest for reasons as a harbinger for every security device to the nation's quaint knowledge. Jackie looked up at the ceiling, groaning as several unused cannons lay dormant, their incendiary noses pointing towards him like predators, predators aware of a prey's futility to escape. If this was the safest room in Section 13, what would be the safest room in the world?

Thinking about Uncle wasn't the proper strategy. So Jackie picked up a thingamajig his elbow had deliberately bumped into, and blew off the aged dust lounging across its metallic sheen. "Will you be coming with us, Black? I know it might be asking too much, but...."

"You never ask too much, Jackie," Black frowned, "You're always right on target. Least I still got my three eyes, including our satellite far off in the heavens. Once you work your magic, Jackie, I'll let X-3 pinpoint your uncle and keep him at every minute."

While Black provided these explanations, Dr. Kepler took the liberty to add the incentive right on cue. "The senior will be a most daunting task to probe about, so I'm bestowing you an incentive for your maximum advantage, a com mechanism, to be succinct."

"Thank you. Um, how do I operate it?"

"Forgive my boorish language," Kepler corrected his glasses as he stood next to Chan and held up the hand holding the mechanism. "This is Silicon Ghost. Hate to use such a common word, but it was requisite to hasten the patent. Unlike previous ghost devices, no heat detectors can perceive where you are when you blend into a choice environment. Under strict executive orders I've been advised not to disclose the full schematics. For the time being, though, Black is entitling you to use it, provided your uncle will remain too unkempt to neutralize face to face."

"Please understand this, Jackie," added Black. "We tried reasoning with Kirishima before, but he nearly tore the whole roof down on us, you and I both. In this kind of situation, stealth may be your best means to handle him. I know he's your uncle, Jackie....And I know how much you love him. But as much as it stings me to say this, your Uncle doesn't know that, not as long as he has that curse on him."

"I'll have to agree with you."

"Affirmative," added in Kepler. "Now let us proceed into more privileged territory. I may be neither an Einstein nor a Hawkins when it comes to magic, but I possess intellect enough to configure one variable isn't sufficient to save him, or you, alone."

"Luckily for us, I still kept the Horse Talisman," Tohru spoke. "Magic must defeat magic, sensei always said. Black, on Jackie's part, I ask of receiving the other talismans to find Jackie's uncle."

"Accepted," Black spoke without warning, and with that, Tohru left the main office.

Kepler offered the Silicon Ghost to Jackie and awaited the Chan Man to deliver the object to his khaki pocket before continuing on. "So I see you have yourself the cure, but as is the case with all cures, it's commended they be assisted by varying forms of treatment."

"Treatment?" Jackie puzzled.

"Defensive treatment." He fished through a shelf of gadgetry that lied with one side pointing up like they were dead. Kepler's hands touched a percentage of salvation; a bag carrying orange plastic bottles with bits of pills inside. "Here, take one."

"Ah, what's this?"

"Aspirin. Relieves headaches 99.99% of the time, at least to an individual such as myself."

"Hmm? Ah! AGH! URGH!" Jackie's mind suddenly felt like a vehicle, a vehicle stripped of control, slamming its brakes just as it collided to solid concrete at hundreds of miles an hour. He tossed away the bottle of aspirin and Kepler ducked as the bottle was lobbed like a discus, spinning furiously at a speed that would fine-tune a man's face to a despicable hue of rotten grapes. In his mind's eye, Jackie watched himself leave himself and dash through miles of earth so blindingly that it felt like a furious flipping of epic photographs rather than an actual trip. The sunny skies submitted to the tsuki's white gleam and the domineering kingdom of darkness just as it paced towards a ancient castle controlled by.

"Uh!" Jackie collapsed knees banging painfully to the floor, gasping, sweating. He wasn't aware of the sweat pouring to the floor like he had dove down a dastardly deluge, but he did catch a look at Captain Black, his arms outstretched as if wishing for some way to subdue the madness of his friend.

"Jackie! Kepler, get Tohru back here now!" Black commanded, eyes set at the scientist in a literal jiffy as the sound of a squeaking door became the mere testament to Kepler's obedience. Black turned back at Jackie, who was now clutching his chest. "Jackie, did you see Uncle?"

"No, no," Jackie calmed. "Now I know. He has Uncle, Black."

"Who? Who has him?!"

CRASH!

"DA-DA-DA-DA! Here comes the pain!" ululated a swirling cerulean cloud as it morphed into the spectacle of three dauntless figures. These three once were normal human beings, much as you and I, beings who had unwillingly sold their souls to the mastery of Dark Chi, Daolan Wong, after a botched robbery left Wong's original chi warriors imprisoned under the good chi wizard's know-how of the good arts. Now, these three beings felt soaring new power with each objective given to them, as well as weapons who listened to them, muscles that knew no exhaustion, and a skin more orange than one could gain out of consuming a thousand carrots a year. And that ominous power was to be directed once more, against the very man whose uncle was their master's most treasured asset.

"Daolan Wong," bemoaned Jackie to Black. "Oh boy," said Cappie B.

"Hey," said the thickest and baldest of the chi warriors. "It's Jackie Chan who's got that finding spell."

"Aw great!" yelled the oval-headed elf of the trio, who also sported a whipping ponytail and a Tong-Fu sporting the guise of a quarter stave. "We're supposed to stop Jackie Chan of all people?! We should've just spent our lives buying Lotto tickets!"

"Forget it, Chow!" chided the loudest chi warrior, who bore the most pointed proboscis despite his former reputation as a ladies' man. "Let's wipe clean the old mistakes of the past, after we clean the Chanster off of his slate!" The warrior opened up his right palm and in reply was born a triple-bladed chakra that whirled its razor presence, cutting through air molecules as it aimed towards Jackie.

"Bwah!" Jackie screamed and rose both hands into the air, before he himself whirled blindingly like he became the chakra itself. He crouched up and instead found himself in the hallways of Section 13.

"Wha-wha?" Finn gawked at the site as his hands retrieved the clean chakra. From his left, the Dark Chi Enforcer found himself sidelined by a charging cannon ball of white and black. Finn hit both Chow and Ratso as they all joined together , banging the wall.

"You!" Tohru arose from the whirls, the Rabbit Talisman in hand. His teeth clenched uneasily. "Daolan Wong's trying to keep sensei away from us, isn't he?! What does he want from him!?"

"What's it to you, Big T?" Finn smiled, his hands beneath each other's elbows.

"Yeah, stick to yourself!" Chow cried as he thrust his staff towards Tohru's face. Tohru clapped both rough hands into the weapon and threw its foolish bearer face-first into the wall again. Bang "OW!" mumbled Chow jarringly. "Biting my tongue hurts!"

"Raah!" Ratso ran in wielding sledge hammer in hand, aiming the weapon from behind the sumo's skull.

Feeling left behind by a corner, Captain Black whirled the secretive hems of his dark black coat before rising up a shiny, one-armed friend dearest to his side. He aimed the friend at Ratso's hammer and launched forth three of his friend's little babies, each doing enough to render the sledge hammer into a whisk of blue smoke.

"Hey!" Ratso shouted as if he had just been cheated off the game. Tohru turned and didn't waste any mercy on the magic being. He slapped a suffocating palm to the neck of Ratso and slammed him to the ground. Ratso instantly shattered into bits of wispy smoke.

But from behind the half-ton sumo, Finn guided his chakra up overhead and permitted it to skewer the iron chains suspending a unpatented cannon model above the laboratory. "Look, ma, no hands!" Finn taunted the sumo with palms widespread next to his ears. Before the sumo could react further, his current position became occupied by a tumbling amalgam of steel that had cost taxpayers billions, and now was worth no more. The quaking vibrations sent shrapnel and Kepler's other invaluables raining over Angus Black, who disappeared among mists of black smoke and broken metal clashing onto one another.

"Heh. Ssscore!" Finn spoke up before the mess. As Ratso would've put it, it was like the Fourth of July, only without gunpowder.

"Time to cut Tohru down to size!" declared Chow.

"Hello, Chow, Priority One?! Chan's the real deal," Finn called over to Chow, at once pulling his pancaked friend as they ran out the lab door.

Captain Black groaned as he opened the door off a vehicle prototype that had fallen onto him. Luckily, the prototype was hollow on one side; if Kepler had completed everything that was in the lab, Black would most certainly have been doomed. Well ain't it great that Kepler was only human?

"Tohru!" Black exclaimed as a massive forearm rose out of a hill of metallic spheres and computer chips.

"Ur...." the forearm motioned in reaction to the friendly voice. "Black, take the Rabbit Talisman and get to Jackie! I'm only stuck here for the moment."

A silent red alert was sounded in the lab. Apparently, Finn and Chow were still in Section 13, and so was Jackie.

"Right!" Black's emerald eyes grew alert as an eagle's. He caught the talisman and zoomed off just as a wide-eyed Kepler croaked and slumped back first, completely dazed at the ruins of his bizarritorium.

Black raced through with Rabbit Talisman in hand. In no time, he'll get to Chan's location, and in record time at that. 

************************************************************************

Obeying the masses before him, a federal agent cocked back a service Glock and pinpointed it in the midst of the elitists' cafeteria. "Got a good shot here!"

"You can't do it," said another agent, "not with the archaeologist being followed and us in the way."

"Then why'd we take out our guns!?"

The agent looked at the hopeless crowd of armed servicemen. "Uh, good point there."

Chow lashed his staff at Jackie but only succeeded in cracking the yellowing green brick wall. Jackie at once saw Finn racing at Jackie's tail. Proving his legibility for a circus act, Jackie planted his right boot against the wall and spun 360 degrees vertically, whipping Finn's chin to the stratosphere while banishing Chow's jaw to the cold, unfeeling floor.

Finn acrobated in midair as he brought back the chakra. "Face it, Chan. You're no match for Finn-kin Park!"

"But you're not even a park!" Jackie ran frantically as he rolled across a couple of cafe benches. "Scuse me, whoops, sorry, didn't mean to smash your sandwich, I promise to buy you another, thank you!"

"Hah!" Chow sprung his wiry feet just as Jackie was about to tumble off a bench. He aimed a boot and guillotined Jackie across the back of the neck, causing the Chan Man to yelp as he lost momentum and collapsed into another table of dishes, which awarded Jackie plenty of food worth stuffing into his face but instead got stuffed over his face.

"Take a time out, Chan. A permanent one!" Chow split the staff back into its veritable three-way nunchuku, the Tong Fu, and came homing in on the archaelogist's raven-haired gourd.

Shaking the bits of delicacy off his face, Jackie felt an annoying glass apparatus tingle at his shoulder, but just as he instinctively dusted it off, he recognized the tool to be an unmistakable pepper shaker. He popped open the metal stopper in the shaker before letting its contents prey their might over Chow's squarish snub.

"A-ah-achoo!" Chow sneezed to his right.

"Hey!" Finn yelled as he cowered from Chow, just inches beside him. "Sneeze at someone else, would y-" WHAP! Jackie rose his knee delicately up to the ceiling before the leg swung and thrust both Finn and Chow dead on to the distance, where the sound of a bizarre gnawing whirred instantly towards Jackie Chan. "AAH!" Chan's eyes bulged before Chan springboarded off a table that declined into two clean halves from a zooming chakra.

"Now you're not playing fair!" Finn chided in unkempt rage, as he blindingly threw the chakra without a care as to who got minced in the process. Splinters of wood threatened to assist the chakra in disabling the Chan Man. Jackie jumped up at one time with birch darts barely bouncing off his loafers. Jackie leapt over one table just as its legs got caught in the grip of the chakra and flew seemingly miles afar to hammer a flying boot onto Finn's face, with a whistling whack! Finn gasped as he poofed into a cloud of temporary dust.

"Uh..." Chow looked around with Jackie, arms ready up for another fight, and the secret agents, arms ready to fire their arms. "Uh, I surrender?" He rose up his hands.

"You do?" Jackie asked bewilderingly.

"Hey, it hurts to vanish, you know. Don't think immortality's painless!" Chow explained, as if assuming the whole world would know such facts.

  
Jackie stared at him. "O.k., then. What does Daolan Wong want to do with my uncle?"

"Uh, I don't know that." The guns were artificially cocked again like the agents really meant to shoot him. "Um, actually I do know that. Daolan Wong needed that sword, but he can't get it off your old man's hands. He's too clever."

"Why does Wong need the sword?"

"You really want my master po'ed, do you!" Chik-Chik-Chak! "Uh, um, uh, okay! Wong's after some kind of treasure, says the sword of Krishima's linked to it!"

"Kirishima," corrected Jackie Chan. "Where will he be going?"

"Can't tell, and don't shoot me, cause I ain't lying. Daolan Wong hasn't figured it all out, he can't read the sword. All I know is that he's still in our bungalow and that he won't let us hurt your old man."

"So Uncle's being kept alive," smiled Jackie deeply inside. "He's still alive!"

"Yes," came an glowing portal swirling between Jackie and Chow. "The old chi wizard will be spared until his usefulness comes to an end!" A yellowish-gray face arose in the portal, dotted with all manners of freakish makeup.

"Daolan Wong!" growled Jackie. "What are you here for?"

"First of all, to rid the scene of my most futile minion!" Chow poofed into a blue wisp inside Daolan Wong's crooked scepter. "And second of all, to warn you that it won't be all sunshine and meadows for much longer. I will unpuzzle the puzzle of the sword, and I will find a way to make your uncle my personal minion....for all eternity! Hah hah hah! Hah hah hah! Hah hah-cough, cough, cough, cough! Arr! This is why I never laugh every day!" Poof!

"No!" Jackie roared defiantly, hands gripping his hair. "You will not have Uncle! Are you listening? You will NOT!"

"Jackie, please calm yourself!" Black arrived. "He's gone. And like you heard, Uncle will be alright!"

"Black, you're okay, uh, except...how'd you get two black eyes?"

Black rubbed his eyes and felt the bruises, sighing as he rose a talisman. "Um, Mr. Rabbit here led me straight to a wall. I'm still a klutz with this whole magic thing, believe me. But let's not dwell too much about me. Was that Daolan Wong who spoke?"

"Yes. He has Uncle, Captain Black. Daolan Wong's being delayed by the sword of Kirishima. And from the chi spell, I don't think Wong has any intentions of leaving his place. He's at the castle nearby the Ben Shui order of Tibet."

Black smacked a knuckle to one palm. "I remember that place far too well. Been a long while since I wanted to bury Wong neck deep in mud! We're going there to rescue your uncle faster than a speeding rabbit!"

************************************************************************

"If only I were fast as rabbit! Bah, what has old junk monger been doing in spare time? Not cleaning filth across his library, I see!" Mama Tohru took each book off the shelf and handed them over to Jade Chan, who was groaning with each multi-paged burden added to her arms.

"T-Mom, where are we going to place these books?"

"In trash can. Your billy goat keeping books to invite roaches in. Roaches must be his best friends."

"Hey, don't talk to Uncle like that! He cleans up the library, well, at least Tohru does."

"My point exactly. My son cleans up, not the old billy goat. Sigh. But it is a chore. I am getting too old for cleanup myself," Mama Tohru spoke taxingly as several texts were permitted to slip off her fingers.

Jade dropped her pile of books. "Then let's stop trying to clean up and join Jackie and Tohru! They won't notice much of a difference once they come back."

"Oh, you sound like such a clever child, except lambs must realize who their shepherds are, and I am your shepherd! It not even Fourth of July and people use fireworks everywhere but here! I almost get heart attack 1000 days a year! You glad you so young, I almost die million times from Jackie's adventures!"

Ring Ring!

A mocha-skinned woman entered into the shop, donning sunglasses and a bandanna over her felicitous face. Evidence showed of her unfamiliarity with the area, as her boot bumped right into a vase of Uncle's used incense sticks. All newcomers fell for that.

Mama Tohru jumped onto the cashier's desk. "If you are customer, do not come, cause junk shop's being closed here to eternity!"

"T-Mom!" shouted Jade to the shameless matriarch of the sumo. She approached towards the customer with a serviceable grin. "No need to worry about my friend here. Whatever you're looking for, stick around and I can make it a sale!"

"Actually, I'm just pursuing a Mr. Jackie Chan," the woman spoke. "Is he here?"

"N-No..." Jade spoke uneasily. She so distrusted strangers who asked about uncle Jackie, but wisely refused to admit that. "Maybe I could give Jackie a message."

"No, it's best I make a greet and meet him with personally. I appreciate your help."

"Hey, don't you go anywhere, I know who you are!" Jade pointed a finger, eyebrows slid down in anger. "You're that woman from India who conned uncle Jackie!"

The woman remained quiet, but agreeably unclipped the sunglasses concealing her purple eyes. "So much for conning my accent. You're still the perceptive one, I see."

"Don't go flattering me, Portia! I remember who you are and I can bring you back in the slammer once and for all." Jade threatened with a telephone. "So what are you going to do now, huh?"

"Just leave. You do know Jackie never called the police on me."

"No. Wait. He never did?"

"Figured I'd learn a lesson by myself. I can never thank him enough."

"Oh my god!" Jade held her face, eyes a-bulging. "There's a criminal in the shop and Jackie never had her arrested? What-was-he-thinking?!"

"What criminal?" Mama Tohru spoke in irritation over such confusion. "All I see is woman wanting to make bargain at old man's junk shop. Though I doubt we earn little more than a penny!"

"Quite right," Portia mused as she toyed a bit with some antique tea cups. "I was just hoping I'd catch up to Mr. Chan before he went out on another artifact spree."

"Hah, I know exactly what you mean, little girl," Mama Tohru replied with a wry smile, preparing a certain put-down. "When Jackie comes back with his billy goat for an uncle, he-mmpphr!"

"T-Mom, quiet down!" Jade rode on the shoulders of Mama Tohru, trying to silence the louder but taller of the shop's dual supervisors. "Heh, heh. Mama T. gets a little out of the head once in a while."

"Not as much as billy goat going crazy with a sword. Next time, I try and tear down big convention roof on him! See if he likes that!"

"Ooh! Why you!" Jade stammered.

As the conflict between the youngest Chan and the eldest Tohru unfolded, Portia found it best to enter back to the void outside of the shop.

"Chan's uncle has gone AWOL? And I thought I precipitated the sour mood," Portia smiled, then frowned. "But from the sound of it, he's the old man under Daolan Wong's custody. What a coincidence. Helping his uncle will be quite a hassle....without an intervention from yours truly, that is!"

************************************************************************

To Be Continued....

A/N: Memo to Me, need to revise final half of this chapter. Till then, enjoy my faithful amigos!


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: Before I begin, let me answer a question that everyone reading this fic will be asking. NO, this is not the conclusion to "Say Uncle". It's a fact that many of the other writers are finishing up their stories at the speed of might. Well, not Tajeri Lynn.

My website is up. Click on my name and then to homepage to find it. Little updates are the least I can do with every month.

Saw the movie "XXX" with Vin Diesel. Who says this is the worst movie of the year? This one rocks. I wish Ratso would look at Captain Black and say, "Hey, it's the guy from 'XXX'." That'd be funny.

Jackie Chan Adventures are from Sony TV and Jackie Chan, who's still trying to find his own little blockbuster without the aid of Chris Tucker.

Chapter 7: Misgivings

"Hey, Jackie, is that your Uncle's store?" Angus exclaimed to his hour-old friend.

Uncle's 8-Trax was at the forefront of a disaster. Columns of smoke were pouring from out of its foundations, and flickers of unstable orange flame crept out of the rooftop.

  
A wide-eyed Jackie squinted at the intense heat and began running in before a scorching timber collapsed right beside his feet. Angus barely got a fistful of Jackie's shoulder to make the save. But Jackie's hesitation had nothing to thank of Black.

"Don't do it, Jackie!" Angus called at him. "You're going to die!"

"And Uncle won't?" Jackie glanced hard at his friend. "Call the fire station to save the shop. I'll save Uncle!" He pulled off the grip.

"Wha-what...Jackie, this is suicide!" Angus frowned as Jackie immediately dashed inside the woodwork, disappearing through the fallen timber of fire. Angus looked on helplessly and ran to a payphone with a quarter change from his lunch money. "Uh! He's a braver soul than I am. Wasn't for the fact that he'd kill himself, I'd be proud of him!"

************************************************************************

A coat of strong fibrous material was thrown onto the lap of a rested Jackie, who was awaiting the execution of Captain Black's rescue mission. "Huh" he stared.

Captain Black muffled Jackie's raven hair. "You're stressed out, Jackie, relax. Tohru's chi spell won't go away long as you're around. And this jacket, well, nothing like it to warm you up when you got cold shoulders."

"How much longer till we make our way to Tibet?"

"3 hours, tops. Tohru's whipping up several bottles of chi power in case Daolan tries to get the upper hand....which he won't." 

"Black, do you remember how we were back in the 4th grade?"

"Yes, you had the same hair and I had a mohawk. Testosterone made me do some crazy things back then."

"No, not that. I mean....the incident at the shop?"

"Jackie, I thought we agreed never to talk about that again. Your Uncle fervently refused to tell you what happened so don't expect him to tell it again either. I don't know if he can even remember-"

Jackie glared at Captain Black. It sounded like he was addressing the amnesia as permanent.

"Um, not in THAT way," Black corrected himself. "Look, Jackie, you almost lost your Uncle before but it doesn't mean you have to go back thinking that moment over. We've got to save your Uncle now, so let's get a move on it and think over the geography until then."

"Right...." Jackie sighed as he moved out of his seat.

************************************************************************

"What do you mean you want back in?" Kenzo talked to the cellular phone in the midst of the dark, dank castle of Daolan Wong. His one free hand was whipping the air around him, as if he yearned to reprimand the caller face to face. His hand plopped to his side. "You did? How did you-? All the time Wong spent on negotiations, and you managed to do so in a week?!"

"Who speaks of me?" Daolan turned, disturbed that his name would be mentioned by one of his lowers and an as-yet anonymous speaker. "What is it that you're agreeing upon?" the dark chi wizard spoke alertly, his staff tapping the ground at the same time carrying him toward his henchman.

"It's Portia," Kenzo muffled the speaking end of his phone. "She wants another bonus to our shares. Considering where she went all this time, it's enigmatic. She says she went over to our map man, talked him over with the sum you gave her. He took the bait."

"What bait?"

"The reward YOU gave her SHE'll give to HIM, and now HE wants to give YOU what YOU want," Kenzo spoke, aggravated of the senior's stubborn lack of next-generation grammar.

"He wants to give the map just like that? If only I had considered that sooner...." Daolan mumbled. "Give the phone to me, I must speak to Portia."

"You know how to work a phone?"

"I know how to speak and listen!" the wizard irately shouted as Kenzo gave the phone to his clammy hands. Kenzo actually let go of the phone the moment Daolan's fingertips brushed it. There was something criminal about touching his long, ugly fingers. "I underestimated you, Portia. I never thought you came up with so wise a strategy."

"No need to flatter me, Mr. Wong. Our map man always had a love for gold."

Daolan closed his eyes. "Sigh...Why do mortals always settle for coins?"

"In case you don't notice, Wong," spoke Vanessa Barone, using her whip at basically nothing, "we ARE working for you to get paid." She walked out of the way.

The dark chi wizard scowled. "Silence! I shall not be upstaged by a pitiful lot of human mortals!"

Portia chuckled. "Now, calm down, Mr. Wong. I haven't got the details yet."

"Of course. The location of where the agreement shall be made!" he realized. "Where will I be?"

  
"You will be at Las Vegas, the city of sin. Our man's secured a motel room. I think he's hoping to kill some of the money off with the slots after the deal's been settled. Tomorrow at 9 in the evening."

After a few exchange of words, Daolan handed the phone back to Kenzo. "Then we should be off to Las Vegas steadfast, but what's this I hear? An iron bird?"

"It's called an airplane, and it's coming toward us most uninvitingly," Vanessa frowned. "Archaeologists scouring your prehistoric household? Or perhaps it's just government agents coming to strangle us?"

"Never mind that. This castle will be vacant as we speak. Kenzo, speak with the map man while we come to the destination. I must know if what Portia speaks of is true. Vanessa, you and the Gloves handle Kirishima. He's a decrepit creature, but he remains the only one who can use the sword, and the key. I must be off to conjure the relocation spell." He walked up the gray stairs leading to his boiling gold cauldron. Kenzo disappeared to start dialing the map man.

"Ur. Just when I think I'm free from one senior, I have to go and fetch another!" complained Vanessa out loud.

************************************************************************

The lavatory of the Section 13's official craft was the sight of a chi laboratory constructed by Tohru. Captain Black made it clear that everyone present was to have gone to a lavatory right before getting aboard. Regulations were made even to fit the most official of friends.

Tohru held up a jar of what resembled greenish lemonade, but sparkles of luminescent colors revealed its magical nature as he shook the jar to check its potency for his and Jackie's viewing. "This jar of chi is a very important spell. Daolan Wong has magical spells allowing him to move from place to place. However, these and many other of his strongest spells can only be made possible if he's able to speak them. This silencing charm will last up to a few days. If only I wasn't still an apprentice, I'd have found a way to prolong it."

"You're doing what you can, Tohru, and it's very good. What about Uncle?" Jackie asked. "Have you found anything to help him?"

Tohru regrettably shook his head. "I'm afraid the curse of Kirishima is far too legendary for a counter-spell to found. We can only hope the Horse Talisman will do its job."

BOOM!

"What was that?" Jackie asked.

"Stormy weather up ahead, Jackie, and it's coming from down below. Looks like Dim Sum Wong's got some heat-packing cavalry of his own," called Captain Black.

"Unfortunately, the spells can only work up close to Wong," Tohru said.

"Not to worry, Tohru, Jackie," Black threw a shiny suitcase towards Chan and the sumo, and Jackie caught it. "Those men may have the guns, but you guys got something better."

Jackie and Sumo traded inquisitive glances, and opened up the suitcase to reveal.... "The talismans!" Jackie exclaimed. He stared up at his American friend. "Why did you bring these with us? Daolan Wong could steal these things!"

"Not if you can help it. They're the best means of offense against the fireworks....though I have to admit, the show's been stopping quite recently." Indeed, the night sky was unoccupied save for tropical birds fluttering from neighboring forests.

"Wong may be trying to escape. We must act quickly," Jackie spoke. "Tell the pilot to take us down."

************************************************************************

The dark spiraling columns leading down to the main room of the castle were as dizzying an ordeal as when Jackie and Black had first experienced them before, only now Tohru and several armed elites of Section 13 shared in the tumult as well. Black led the way if because he claimed this required sharp eagle eyes. Jackie still had the location charm with him though so the majority of the gang kept following the sumo while Black disappeared and got lost amidst the chambers. He finally came running back from behind them. Daolan Wong must've changed the architecture, the agent put it succinctly....

"He's here," Tohru pointed to an open door that was glowing flashing white. He slowly lifted the vial of greenish liquid from his black overalls. 

Jackie then felt a tinge of relief within him, but he knew what this meant. "Uncle's locator spell has ended. We can not lose him." He clutched the Dog Talisman and Rabbit Talisman in one hand, and the Horse Talisman, for Uncle obviously, in the other. He nodded, Tohru nodded and they both ran in.

"Stay back, men," said Captain Black, rubbing an itchy thumb over his life-ender's metal sheen. "We'll leave the experts, er, magical experts, at it."

************************************************************************

The flashing white was the frame of a portal that Daolan made possible by his incessant mumbling.

"Vanessa's in, and so is Kirishima," Kenzo replied, swinging a shotgun. "We're the only two le- Them!"

"What?" Daolan turned and eyed the charging invaders in the castle. "Foolish pests!" He swung his crooked cane, glowing dangerously blue. "I shall destroy them-"

WHACK!

Like a human lightning bolt, Jackie came charging, clouds of dust erupting like mushrooms behind his shoes. His right shoulder tackled the sternum area of Daolan Wong, getting numbed for but half a moment. Now normally, Chan wouldn't condone the physical impairment of an old man, but a dangerous, maniacal and worse magical old man was not someone to feel hospitable over. Staff still in hand, Daolan Wong bumped into a table of old books, launching a rain of yellowed pages pouring over the scene. 

Kenzo pointed his sawed-off shotgun haphazardly, whipping flying pages as he circled around for his targets. A weighty hand nabbed the shotgun in front of him and a second hand of equal mass came to snap the weapon as if it were a twig. The image of Tohru emerged as he grabbed Kenzo's shoulder, levitating him by about three feet. "Where's Kirishima, Yokanawa?"

"You're wasting your time, mama's boy," Kenzo sneered, his hands digging his purple pants pocket. "We're getting along quite nicely and are out to have a picnic." With precision, Kenzo catapulted a flash grenade off his palm, and before Tohru could make out what popped up, a seemingly instantaneous asteroid beamed at his eyes. Kenzo shied his face away from the blast, and to sufficient effect, as he can feel himself dropped and ran forward while the sumo was moaning, roaring even, at his temporary blindness.

"Tohru!" shouted Jackie, but a ghostly spirit crashed into his chest and he coiled backward, rolling like a fish thrown out of his river.

"I never thought I'd see the day that I will control both the Good Chi Wizard and his treasured nephew," smiled Daolan, but those would be the last words he'd speak of for some time, as a greenish beam emitting from Tohru's vial of chi came to zip his shocked maw shut.

"Impossible!" Kenzo grumbled.

"I may not see, but not all spells need eyes!" Tohru murmured as he held the active vial, spouting his sensei's treasured magic words, "Gyu Mo Gue Guai Fai Dei Tzao", rhythmically.

Daolan cursed aloud, or so his eyes would tell.

Kenzo loaded a fist-sized shell into a makeshift flare gun. "See if you can see this!" He pointed the gun to turn Tohru's brain into spaghetti and meatballs. "Uh!" He missed sight of a swift sweep across his ankles as the gun clattered until a 12-size sole pressed over it.

"Mind if I butt in?" said Captain Black, raising his gun. Agents were scouring the area like bugs, though the kind meant to take out the pests. Black apparently had been the fastest.

Kenzo saw the gun and grabbed the arm holding it. He looked to catch Black by surprise by rolling the cop over the gangster's back, but Black thought this would come and retaliated with a patella to the gut. Kenzo drew his breath and waddled, arms still around Black, but then the portal behind him saved his day as he had tipped into it and would not be let go.

"What the-" Black said as the force pulled him inside as well!

"Black!" shouted Jackie. "Daolan!" he shouted as he saw Daolan vying to rescue himself through the portal. Jackie clenched his fists and became dismayed that the talismans had been knocked far from his reach, inches too far for the blinded sumo to even grab. "Tohru!" he shouted. "Oh, it's no use, saying names won't help me!" He came to and cried out like a brazen warrior, as he clutched the running Daolan's shoulders by the tip of his palms.

And he too ran into the portal.....

TO BE CONTINUED...

There, my first update since...November? I actually kept this new chapter out for some time. I really missed writing this one up and hope to finish it before the end of this year. Well, amigos, go off now and do somethin' else. Adios, and I'll be continuing to write when I go to summer school!

TLEL


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: The Luchadore's finally back with the new chapter in this story. I know how the story's going to end at last so don't expect this fanfic to be like those other fics that NEVER get an ending because people abandoned them. TLEL isn't going to give up on any of his fics, even if they get zero reviews! My take on "Demon Heart" will come back too as a result, and I'll get some one-chapter Hsi/Jades going on before I try another Hsi/Jade series, if it comes to that. I only had this month for vacation (took summer semester, bleh!) so I better do what I could with it! Alright, onto the fic!

Say Uncle

Chapter 8: Ai-Yah, Las Vegas!

"Uncle! Unc-!" Jackie woke up, realizing that he was at a sandy plain, the lone occupant beside him was a mammoth sign with the glorious letters spelling "Las Vegas 20 miles". Funny how a lot of great resorts were surrounded by terrible living spaces. No wonder Jackie hadn't found a residence in Las Vegas like he could've with his doctorate salary; nobody around was there to talk to. He hated loneliness, always he did.

"I'm lost. Oh no. Section 13? Captain Black? Tohru? Jade? Oh, what am I thinking, I told Jade to stay at the shop. Uncle's shop. No. Where could Uncle be?!" He stared at the horizon; there loomed bustling city lights and streets, the multi-colored neon lights dotting the ink black background. "Las Vegas? I'm sure no magical talismans live there anymore. I hope Daolan Wong's portal didn't spread us all over the world." He walked in the direction of the road, the ugly dirt and concrete slab road, when he heard the whirs of a motorcycle behind him. That got him a light bulb burning. "Taxi-I mean, I need a ride!"

Raising a thumb came up at the most convenient time, even if Jackie was not one to condone hitchhiking. He always said it was against the rules, in fact he was the only one in his family. Being without Uncle for a long while made him remember the old man's treatise on hitchhiking; _Fah! You call calling someone to pick you up illegal. Tell you what is illegal; if the man ignored you like you were nobody!_ And when the driver didn't ignore you? _Don't be silly, Jackie. Wise person doesn't go hitchhiking; he should take the long road by himself if he has two feet to walk on!_ But emergency called for Jackie to hasten his matters. The motorcyclist thankfully slowed down.

The motorcyclist removed her helmet, exposing purple eyes to complement her swaying brown hair. "My, we keep bumping together in the loneliest of places, Mr. Chan."

Jackie's jaw dropped, in disbelief of coincidence. "Wha-Portia Martindale.... But how-"

She inclined one elbow over the steering handles, fingers playfully dabbling over her cheek. Her smile, neither cheerful nor sad, kept her character as concealed as the night. "Odd thing actually," she added. "I was expecting to give you a call around here. You've saved us plenty of time for our next move."

"And that is?"

"Why, taking a nice resort to Las Vegas. I don't suppose the desert around here is much good for archaeology. The only problem I must have in this city is with the food. Nothing really exquisite actually. I'm better off with what California has to offer. Anyways, jump in. You probably need the ride."

"Oh, thank you," Jackie walked up to the motorcycle, though uneasily, since he realized there wasn't much space for him to sit on, even if Portia had scooted herself up for him. She cocked her head down, so as to tell him this was space enough.

"Uh, do you have a helmet?" Jackie asked, his lips shivering in both the midnight cold and his embarrassment at playing it safe, namely before a woman.

"Sorry, Mr. Chan, but being how you Americans call a loner, I didn't come prepared to rescue you. You'll probably have to hold on tight as well."

Jackie turned his head to the sides, seeing nothing but dirty old rocks. Dirty old Las Vegas rocks. He spoke to her back. "Hold on to what?"

She spoke in near-dramatic concern. "Jackie, haven't you ever held on to someone of the opposite gender?"

"Only my mom," he said matter-of-factly. He felt he was being insulted by showing no feelings toward females, but his testimony would be the judge of that!

Portia turned away from Jackie to adjust her rearview mirrors, though her shaking head seemed to stifle some laughter. Even when the shaking stopped, it took a few seconds for her to speak again, as if awakening composure. She sighed, but not despairingly. It was to block any last humorous thoughts. She placed a hand on the waist end of her white bellbottoms, a sight that was more of a directive but come across to Jackie's mind as perversely intimidating. "Hold onto my hips." Jackie was very unprepared for that very last word.

"But Portia-" he began, defending against a blush. Holding onto a woman's....

"It's better for you, Jackie. You know how fast a motorcycle can be. I don't suppose you're stuntman enough to cling onto the road all the way to Vegas, right?"

Jackie groaned and held on. Anything to get to Uncle before Daolan Wong would go away was fine by him. He did as was told; he was the more vulnerable person in this matter. Without looking (he wanted to pay more attention to the scenery), he grabbed his arms, forming a human belt around Portia. His haste was evident by both the litheness and forcefulness emanating from those knuckles of his.

"Ooh, perhaps that was too hard a squeeze, Chan," Portia gasped a breath as she spoke, neatly adjusting Jackie's hands like they were a belt she could fit on her own volition.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Jackie. I did break your heart a while ago." That would be the last he would see of her smile until they would stop the motorcycle. Portia's feet started the accelerator and the cycle drove away, leaving a community of dust following her and Jackie. Jackie hated the roar; it reminded him of a tiger he met back in the city of Sin he was heading to, or of a giant lion who tried chasing him up a tree, but couldn't.

Because of the grating roars of the cycle, Jackie spoke louder than his normal tone. He was one to talk alot. It made him feel less lonely. "Portia, that was very nice of you to give me a ride to Las Vegas...."

She replied, with equally loud resonance. "Your welcome. By the by, how DID you wind up in the middle of nowhere? Not enough taxi fare in your pocket? Scoff, I could relate to that. That's how a lot of boyfriends literally parted with me."

More information than he wanted to know. Why did he just think that? "Actually, what happened was um...classified information."

"Classified? That came as a bit of a shock. I never knew you could be elitist with your language."

"I have friends," was all Jackie could reply, since he didn't want to delve into this subject for long. "But I didn't come here for a vacation."

"Sigh, that much is clear to me. So what would it be, Mr. Chan? A convention with archaeologists? A carnival as spontaneous as Mardi Gras? A family reunion?"

"The last one. I will give you that much."

"Is that all I'm entitled to knowing? Aren't we friends, Jackie?"

"Getting close to that." He then sounded a bit more excited. "To be honest, I always wanted to make more friends. There's an ancient proverb in Asia that says the greatest way to confront an enemy is to make him a friend."

"Or her."

Jackie smiled behind her back. "Or her...

"I remember reading that from Sun-Tzu, save for the 'her' part. I'm sure you will be getting another friend, perhaps the sooner you get your family reunion settled."

Jackie frowned, looking up to the sky to think. Plenty of stars up there; city lights constantly blinded Jackie from those. Sometimes barren landscapes weren't so bad after all. "Settled is a very interesting word to say, for this occasion."

"Does it fit?"

"Much to my regret."

"You're not very comfortable about it. I can tell by the way you're shaking." She held a finger behind herself, waving at Jackie's emerging mouth. "And please, don't say it's the motorcycle doing that to you...Discomfort is something I always detect in people. That's how I first met you, remember?" She ended the sentence with such an air of confidence.

Jackie could recall that moment. In the midst of an archaeologists' convention, pawing at hors de oeuvres, ignoring the toothache and then admitting its presence with a mess all over the floor. Then having his first sights of her from the waist down....Yes, he could recall aplenty. Changing the subject was the best solution to that.

"How much longer do we get to Las Vegas.? I want to be there as fast as I can, for my reunion."

"I'll drop you off. Where's your motel, or hotel, at?"

"Uh, hotel?"

She turned her helmeted face towards him for three seconds. A black helmet hid everything save her purple eyes. Then again, her expressions were never very readable. "You had to have reserved a room, to sleep over and settle down. Unless you're hoping to walk over the entire city every step of the way."

"Room?" One arm still around Portia, Jackie fumbled his trusty right pocket. Behold...empty! "Huh?" He grasped for the last pocket. His eyes bulged, turning white like marshmallows. "Bwah! My wallet's gone! How did it-? Gasp! The portal!"

"What was that last part?" Portia asked aloud.

"Uh, the bus port!" Jackie lied. "I left my wallet in the bus port in San Francisco while I was-Bwah! I left my cell phone too! How am I supposed to call my friends at Section 13, I mean, my family having as much bad luck as number 13?"

Portia was clearly baffled and amused by Jackie's hasty choice of words. She knew much of the truth without her asking him, but she realized one thing with Jackie's discomfort; he often forgot what not to say and when to not say it. Ah well, nothing should hurt by prodding at this hilarity. "Don't fret, Mr. Chan. When exactly is your reunion to take place?"

"I-I don't know. I was hoping they would call me and...."

"Without your cell phone, you're kind of stranded in Las Vegas. Sounds a lot like a movie premise."

"Sigh. I wished this was a movie, with lights, cameras, and action..."

Portia laughed, and stopped another laugh, putting the brakes on it hardly. "So, yet again I'm Ms. Well-prepared and you're Mr. Toothache...."

Jackie stared at her. He didn't like jokes about the past. The past didn't have much jokes. Or at least the jokes were never the important ones.

"We'll see what we can do about it, Chan. Hope you're used to listening to Elvis, because Las Vegas is right in front of us.."

And indeed it was, a Viva Las Vegas song popping out of a rusty bullhorn atop a lamp. 

************************************************************************

There was a hotel, about 4 floors high, but high enough for planes to fly overhead and vibrate the roof every 30 minutes or so. From the roof, such landmarks as the Hard Rock Cafe and the roller-coaster tower Stratosphere stood like colorful game pieces in a huge Monopoly board. But the planes were the most lively things as far as he could feel. They gave Jackie the creeps, since he looked up at the sky and was scared of planes coming down on him, even as a kid. Uncle would try to calm Jackie down by remarking that the planes were like toys up in the sky. There was no need to fear them. _Besides, do you know what is MUCH more scarier than a plane above your head? Being in one! You have no idea how scared Uncle was when he first came to San Francisco! The stewardesses gave me food bad for digestion! My willies broke a record yet to be broken!_ But Jackie wasn't always one to accept the Uncle-speak. Riding on planes was more reassuring, he believed. It meant you were on a mission and you wanted to waste no time. And being under the sky, under the plane, you often felt the mission needed even less time to expend, only you couldn't go as fast as hoped.

Jackie took the phone and began worrying. He didn't want Portia to be charged extra for a call she wasn't going to make. No wallet on him meant he couldn't pay for the call. No call meant no one to help save Uncle.

"Martindale, I need to make a call," he shouted. This time he was on no motorcycle. The woman was cleansing herself on in the shower room, the splatters of water making the room more disquieting than the airplanes could. Portia clearly wasn't a very quiet person.

"Put it in my tab!" she replied loudly. Not so quiet.

"Is it okay?" Always he felt like making sure. Being sure meant being not guilty.

"Yes, if you need it."

"I'll pay for it later, thank you!" he shouted once more. Now that that icky business got swept off, it was time to get the real cleanup crew... His fingers hit the number to his area code, but then....Uh, oh, he didn't know how to call Section 13. Most of the time, the agency came to him, so he took their phone numbers for granted. There was only one more place he could think of calling....

************************************************************************

Jade was sighing, sitting next to the cash register while holding up a book entitled "Demons and the Myths Surrounding Them." She missed the adventures of demons invading the earth. They made for credible classroom excuses when the demons pursued her.

RING! RING!

Jade held up the phone. "Jade's Delivery Service for Total Boredom," she murmured listlessly on the phone.

"Jade?"

She sprung up on the familiar voice of her uncle. She whirled on the stool she sat on. "Jackie, oh, I'm so glad to hear from you again. So, where'll I be posted in your mission?"

"Jade," Jackie spoke in that lecturing tone she disliked.

"Aw, Jack-ie! It's no fun in here. I'm having summer vacation, the fall quarter is coming soon and I get no free time with you or Uncle?"  
  
"Jade, I'm finding Uncle as we speak."

"But that could be a vacation too! Remember when you gave him that spicy burrito, he ran off for some water, and it took us from Baja California to Acapulco to find him?" While speaking this, she did what Jackie never could witness; she waved her hands all over the empty shop space, as if retracing a map. She'd make a great geographer, one day.

"Jade, we are not talking about a burrito. Uncle's been captured by Daolan Wong. This is not the same."

"Gasp! Mr. Anti-Uncle's behind all this!? Wait'll I show him!"

"No, it's not safe for you. I need you to contact Section 13 about my whereabouts. I got separated from them and I'm in Las Vegas. I have a feeling Daolan Wong wants Kirishima to do something terrible in the city."

Jade's shoulders had slumped on the first sentence, but had found their springiness by the last. "Can do! Hey, where's T-Man and Captain Black?"

"Black's not too far away. He's in Las Vegas too, by now, unless he got lost again..." Jackie thought of scenarios of Black being lost in casinos, then lost in gambling, then lost in debt....Or maybe Black lost his wallet too. He continued. "Tohru's probably coming back to Section 13 by now."

"You're right! Mama Tohru called Section 13 and went there an hour ago. She's never come back since."

"She never told you about Tohru?"

"Tohru's the most precious person in her life. Would she really tell me he came back and not you?"

There was a hard sigh. "I wished she did. How long am I calling, I hope Portia won't be mad for talking this long."

Jade's voice became so loud that Jackie could raise the receiver a foot from his face and still get her gist. "Wait a minute! Did you just say Portia, that purple-eyed two-timer with the fake rack?"

"Jade, I have no idea what you're talking about, but that is rude language. She doesn't make fake racks two times, whatever that is supposed to mean. She is helping me in Las Vegas. She doesn't know exactly what my mission is."

"Are you sure, Jackie? She came by to visit the shop, you know."

"Huh?"

"She was looking for you, and Mama Tohru blabbered about you finding Uncle. Portia disappeared after that. Gasp! Don't you see, Jackie? She KNOWS you're trying to find Uncle! She's a hindrance to you, Jackie, and you don't even know it!"

It took Jackie a while to swallow all those word, but he smiled and his smile spoke words, if only Jade could see him. He hoped Jade wasn't going to become that Mel Gibson character in that theory movie. That wouldn't pay much money "Oh, Jade, that is crazy. You're crazy." .

"Crazy, huh?", said Jade, a mischievous tone suggesting a similar glint in her eye. "Well, listen to crazy Jade saying that she's off to join the rest of the Section 13 boys to save you and Uncle from Daolan Wong and the Portia woman!"

"What?! Jade, don't-"

"See you, Jackie!" Click! She thrust both her elbows close to her. "Yi-Es! Jade is so gonna rock! Time to head over to Las Vegas and give those bad guys a poker face!" Jade ran off the shop, turning off the lights and putting in a "Store Closed" sign on the front window.

************************************************************************

Jackie muttered as he stared down (and hard) at the stuff he still managed to keep in his pockets, the stuff that the portal hadn't lifted from his advantages. It was a decrepit lot to save his Uncle. Three wrapped sticks of gum, a crumpled up tissue that once carried the talismans used and left behind in Daolan Wong's castle...None of this could drive the pest Daolan Wong away, much less wake Uncle from the cursing slumber of Kirishima. Jackie's only hope at this time was to trap his evil uncle, keep him from escaping Las Vegas so the others can come in with the "prop-ah ingredients", as Uncle kept calling remedies. Jackie kept stubborn to his thoughts; Uncle being here was a theory, but if Daolan Wong and his odd minions were to have business, very few places could be as multifaceted as Las Vegas. Only...what was the connection between wealthy Las Vegas and magic-hungry Daolan Wong?

There sat one final pocket object on the table; it was Kepler's little cloaking device, a System Ghost, the doctor labeled. The device could make him invisible, the right tool to scout Las Vegas without anyone seeing him. It was a chance worth taking.

To Be Continued....

Coming up next: an update on Kirishima! 


	10. Chapter 9

Say Uncle

Chapter 9: Setting the Stakes

"I'm back," Tohru mulled quietly, in front of particularly no one, as he reentered the base of Section 13 along with the available agents and soldiers who had all failed to retrieve Uncle, capture Daolan Wong, and keep their leaders and wild cards Jackie and Black from getting sucked into what only a chi wizard apprentice can presume to be a relocation portal.

The sight of blue black hair accompanying a small body didn't escape the edge of his eyes."Jade," he spoke, now staring in front of her, partly as reprimand, "what are you doing here?"

She shrugged, pretending to thumb-wipe the gunk on her fingernails. "Not much, except that I happen to know where Uncle Jackie happens to be." That last half came with a proud smirk of knowing such knowledge.

"You do? Where has he gone?"

"He went to Las Vegas. And I don't think Daolan Wong is going there to let evil Uncle rob the casinos by sword-point. So, where do I fit into this mission?"

"Jade, I think it would be best for you to-"

She stared at him unhappily.

"Sorry, Jade. It's just that with sensei and Jackie gone for quite some time-"

Jade put another proud thumb on her stomach. "Hey, T-Man, don't worry. Jackie and Uncle get lost **all** the time. I don't get lost that easy."

"But...that's because Jackie and sensei are always having these adventures," Tohru replied as he watched side to side, his memories a gallery awaiting his viewership.

Tohru and Jade were silent for a LONG while. "For once, I'm short of a retort," Jade finally conceded. "But sitting around isn't going to help me find my uncles, right? I know he's in Las Vegas because he called me."

"And do you know where he is in Las Vegas?"

"Uh....no. Except he may be using a hotel telephone or something."

"That doesn't narrow it down very much," sighed Tohru, who raised up his pythons to calm a worrisome itch on his sweat-filled brow. He looked back up at Jackie's niece. "We'll have better luck when Captain Black calls in."

"Except Captain Black **hasn't** called in! He may never even call us until it's too late. Have you ever thought of that, Tohru?"

"I...try not to."

"Feh, that's the only bitty crack in Tohru," popped up Mama Tohru, who indeed was in Section 13 for some time, as Jade had thought hours before. "My little boy, he hopes just a bit too much."

"Mommy..." he spoke humbly.

"If Billy Goat mean that much to you, don't wait around and go find him. Maybe once you go to Las Vegas, you can sniff his garlic breath a mile away."

"Don't you have a chi spell to find Uncle again, Tohru?"

"That'll be too much, Jade. I can't do another spell unless I had a piece of food that Uncle ate. Uncle hasn't eaten in our home in days. All I have left for use are these; sensei's old magic tools." He rose up the dried porcupine fish and gecko. Jade took them and rubbed their textures. Old and rough, just like good old Uncle. They were also cold, as they had been preserved under a refrigerator since Tohru had little clue where to store them. He feared Uncle's wands would rot.

"We'll probably be needing them," replied Jade, her eyes focusing on the two magical "wands". "I guess this means our only hope is to go over to Las Vegas."

"Yes, and bring the talismans to cure sensei and give Jackie an extra boot of energy."

"That's boost of energy, Tohru."

"You are going around the world again? You came back to say hello so I have to say good-bye once more?"

"I'm sorry, mom. If there was any way of making it up to you."

"Ah, don't worry so much. Not a good time to gamble in Las Vegas, anyway. Too many good gamblers in the summer..... You should get Billy Goat soon if he mean so much to you. Move your secret agent men into the plane."

"But, I'm not a secret agent. I don't work for Section 13."

"Yeah, but you're a friend of Captain Black. That might mean something."

"Okay, here goes," he said before turning up the volume of his voice for the baffled agents to turn focus away from their computers. "Section 13 agents, I, Tohru, uh, Captain Black's friend, have received a tip that Jackie Chan made a call in Las Vegas. There is a chance that all of our missing friends, and enemies, are in that city."

The agents looked at each other and the keyboards rattled excessively, until satellite feeds and Las Vegas maps were all over the screen. After much typing, one agent stared up. "Got some Section 13 activity going on in L.V. Someone has activated a device that is attracting X-3's satellite surveillance, and strongly."

"I am certain that apparatus could only be the System Ghost!" the doors of the Section 13 laboratory closed shut as Dr. Kepler walked between where the agents and Tohru were sitting. "I had quite elevated hopes that the device would operate wonders beyond recognition. It appears to be the success I envisioned."

"Kepler, you crazy nut," said another agent. "We can't even tell who's using the device, even!"

Fumbling through his pockets for a device, and finding it, Dr. Kepler then punched in a few numbers on a calculator. "Probability of Jackie Chan's pockets being tight enough to withstand a relocation vortex at a certain velocity suggests..." He stared up at the screen, his incomprehensible expression comprehending a conclusion. "It is likely that Jackie Chan had preserved the device and is taking advantage of it as we converse."

"I like your math, Kepler," said Jade. "Now we know where Jackie is."

"This will be much more difficult than you think, Jade," said Tohru. "We still don't know where Daolan Wong and his men are."

"So? Go get your men into the plane!"

"Mommy, they're not _my_ men!"

"What do I tell you about such people? Make them!"

"Release him."

"You're getting out of your mind, just like he is!" Kenzo stared to add to his reply to Daolan Wong's insane plea considering the blade-crazy Kirishima. The hotel room they locked themselves in had been helped considerably by Wong's spells. Several of them had allowed the necessary room service to come in, without any actual bellhops or human beings of normal ilk interfering. Kenzo had sworn a tray of hours de oeuvres tasted less metallic if it wasn't being transported, but Daolan dismissed such trifles of distress.

Meanwhile, Kirishima had become only a bit angrier since being captured; he had too much confidence and experience to know full rage while bound only wasted energy.

Daolan pushed Kenzo's arm, getting the man to retreat further from the room. "The idea was not to imprison Kirishima; only his sword; he is a helpless, raving lunatic without his weapons, as would be the case for the good chi wizard whose body he occupies."

"Which means you kept the sword?"

"Yes, but say that out loud again, and you will not near the treasure you seek."

Kenzo narrowed his eyes on Daolan Wong, who sighed as he had to speak more.

"Leave here, now. I have much to talk to Kirishima."

"Don't wait long. Bart Chang gets picky with his price when you're late for business. Less money for us," Kenzo clicked a pistol to illustrate the rest of his paragraph, and walked away, disappearing into a cloud of dust, Wong's special transport.

"Where...have you hidden....my sword?"

"Forgive me for the intrusions, Kirishima, but we are merely trying to protect you."

"From what?! I am Kirishima, master of a million swords, a death-rebel at every corner of the world, a man with no fear of anyone."

Daolan Wong smiled. "Your only fear is the very person you've become." He summoned a mirror in front of Kirishima's face. High nose, square jaw, graying thorns of hair....

Kirishima gasped. "What oddity is this? This is not the face of Kirishima. An old, decrepit man! What means of sorcery did you bring upon me!?"

"It is not sorcery, but the very curse that you, Kirishima, have been trapped in. You waited years to return to the earth you roamed, and now you see clearly the error of your ways."

"Kirishima makes no error!"

"It was not only you, Kirishima. It was an old man who did this to you. I discovered what kind of a legend you are, Kirishima.. You were desperate to find a way to flee the world of the dead, so you used an ancient magic spell, from the distrustful Ayurvedic people of Asia, to seal your soul in your precious sword. Little did you think though that you would take the body of my most persistent rival in the world of magic! Uh!"

"Transfer me from this body, if you know the how-to-do instructions."

"I know how to do that, but until then you are under my obedience."

"Kirishima takes no-"

"Stop! I grow weary of you speaking in the third-person! And you will have to take orders from me, Daolan Wong, if you are to find the very thing which would allow me to destroy all my enemies, and make sure you will never need to possess such a miserable body again!"

"The treasure of Kirishima," the warrior muttered.

"You call it your treasure despite your never finding it. You speak of the treasure of the Oni Iori Saganosuke, from an underground temple in a Japanese island. You kept that sword close to you because it was the only key to the temple's door, where the treasure laid behind, with no true owner left. Your key is so precious that it will crumble the moment it opens the door, which means you need to be much more careful than your current actions suggest. I knew that when Kirishima did come back, the first thing that was on his mind was to seek the treasure. But a man like you could only do so much when the world has changed in over a thousand years."

"What do you mean, old man? No manner of land can stall the great Kirishima!"

"But a manner of time can. Being in the good chi wizard's body won't give you all the time you need, or want. I have a deal to make, and it would make your wish come true."

"Deal?" There was a "lu" sound at the end, proof that Kirishima occupied Uncle's body.

"A trade of services. I will have the map to the underground temple, and in return you will open the door to the treasure."

Kirishima laughed. "What fool! I will agree to your little deal, but once I open the door, no one can stop the great Kirishima! I will run in their with my treasure faster than those miserable flippers you call your feet! Ha ha ha! Now give me back my sword!"

The staff clapped the floor. Daolan pointed his rusty finger. "Your sword is what you will not be able to own for the time being, to keep sure you are below me. Tamper with me and you will never get your sword OR the treasure. I can find many other treasures if I wanted to; but for you, this is the only treasure that is of any value."

That shut Kirishima up, until he could find a retort.

Jackie had leapt from roof to roof, but carefully, since his shoes scratched loudly over the asphalt roofs, dulling the plastic soles that supported his footwear in place. Much concern for his uncle compelled him to expend anything else, including his own energy, to search the man who adopted him for over 20 years. But this was a summer season, the season ripe for tourists to get in the way and pay little attention to anyone except for themselves. Even if Jackie plucked himself from the merciless stew of community by making himself invisible and hopping off rooftops, little ease could be plucked just the same, for not one resembled the thin, gray-haired and bespectacled Uncle who was roaming around restlessly with a magical sword at hand. It was one of those rare moments where Jackie would be glad that something dangerous could be happening. It meant he would have an opening.

Jackie found it tedious to sneak through the unknowing tourists, who kept craning their necks to wonder why the air conditioning felt as strong as a human being's push. Luckily for Jackie, several tar beach roofs of the buildings were cleansed of any human contact, thanks to the fact that it was summer and tourist business stayed focus down to earth. He was able to leap from building to building in an invisible Ghost form, but his brown eyes ensnared some less comforting sights down below, for it seemed Daolan Wong had contacted the perfect casting agent to amass for him a criminal army.

Vanessa Barone. The whip-lashing dominatrix complete with red coat, adventure boots and an indentation beneath her clothes which suggested her malicious partner in crime, the bullwhip. Even in the metropolitan and relatively homogeneous section of Las Vegas, Barone seemed intent like the city was a jungle in itself, though her hands, restraining a grip on her whip, rattled like she wanted to mow down the monotony of the city, but couldn't for risk of an unfriendly date with the police.

Kenzo Yokanawa. The only Yokanawa who managed to escape maximum-security prison in Sacramento, Kenzo, real name Yukio, must've once again been in it for a quickie deal at money to climb higher up the social ladder. He didn't believe in the adage "Crime doesn't pay", but apparently found the practice to resemble a lottery ticket; you win, you win big, you lose, stay quiet, start over, and hope luck joins you this time.

"Not good at all," Jackie shook his head. "Daolan Wong's little circus is all over the place, blending in.... But there's no Uncle anywhere....Following them will be very dangerous, but it's the best choice I can make....Oh(!)"

Red, orange, rubbery, and stalking with fingers came two walking gloves, thieving tools made immortal by some unknown magic of pirate's lore. The gloves pondered the asphalt, ugly, dirty, breath-choking asphalt which they had liberty of not inhaling, just scraping for rubber. Still, scouting for Chang or his men was not a favorite duty of theirs. Making them collect grime over their sheens meant nobody would look up to them as fancy gloves to wear, thus allowing entry to the wells of kleptomania. And judging by the glitter and glimmer which dotted the city, nowhere else did they surmise a better buffet for burglary. Perhaps they were at the end of their gratuitous turmoils. A little wash back at the hotel would be perfect remedy.

Even with the System Ghost, Jackie hesitated before resolving to climb up a flag pole. When Jackie got back down, he thought of a better resolution. "If I were Captain Black, I would've called Section 13 for some help right now. I think he has. Las Vegas is now a very dangerous city, however. I can't allow innocent people to be hurt, but then...would anyone even believe me?" He stared at the hotel, where a criminal becoming friend had provided for services listed beneficial and kind. "Well, at least one person. She deserves it for helping me out...though not that no one else deserves it...I think she'll understand. But not until I know where Uncle's being kept.....

"Follow the dirty red gloves."

"Follow the yellow brick road-"

Click!

Jackie Chan, at 10 years old, reclined on a bench positioned before a white, 60-degrees Fahrenheit (the thermometer said so, though Jackie couldn't talk to it), and quiet appointment office of the closest hospital to Chinatown. He rested there for an hour until he stood up on a table of magazines to switch the TV off. He no longer needed the classic MGM movie. It was sure to come back again anyway.

Uncle's shop caught a fury of flames in the kitchen. He wasn't cooking dinner; he never started preparations at 4pm, since a Chan dinner was commonly noodle broth, the tasty sort opened off metal cans. The rest of the shop hadn't been as lost a cause; Uncle surely would thank his lucky stars that the inventory didn't take the hit. If the inventory got damaged, the old man required talking to the hated insurance agents; their English was painful, and Uncle strained his back once too often to get his ears listening to the legal jargon in all their muddy glory.

When Uncle came to in his hospital bed, he told Jackie that he hated fighting the fire in the stove. He could've gotten away from the store and let firemen wash out the kitchen, Jackie thought. Instead, Uncle handled it by his lonesome, only to pass out from the gray fumes that stuck up his nose and down his lungs.

"But I gave fire a gooood whipping!" Uncle clamored, coughing just once and holding a possible second from Jackie's notice. "Remember, Jackie, wet towels work very well against big fire. Tell future wife that."

"Are you okay, Uncle? You're so calm. You could've died," Jackie replied.

"Fah! Then who would take good care of you in San Fransisco? Hmm? No one! I didn't want to leave you alone and so I passed out before the fire took the best of me."

"Uncle…."

"You must get your homework done."

"I already did, two hours ago, about an hour after I found you in the shop."

"Dadada!"

"What is it, Uncle?"

"Two hours, one hour, two hours, one hour. I do not understand your math, make it clearer!"

"It's been 3 hours since you woke up."

"Oh….I see."

"Uncle…What were you doing in the shop?"

"I was practicing my chi spells."

"Chi spells?"

"I went for an extra ingredient, and as I came back to the stove, the stove turned against me. It went up in fire. Cheap stove."

"I can't believe it…Chi spells."

"Yes, very good ones too."

"No, that's not it. Why were you doing chi spells again?"

"Something wrong about chi spells?"

"Uhh….No. I'm changing the subject….I guess. Do you need anything?"

"Yes, I need mung bean sandwiches. It's the restaurant on other side of my shop. I want you to buy two sandwiches and sneak them right here without any doctor looking."

"What? Sneak them?"

"You've seen doctors. Always they want me to eat strange American food. They think American food so tough. They don't know Uncle needs tough Chinese food because he has a tough boy for a nephew." Uncle gave a solid pat behind the back.

Well, that hurt more than two fingers on an average day....

"If I were Captain Black, I would've called Section 13 for some help about now. However, unh! with my wallet left behind-unh!- and a cell phone gone M.I.A..." His face rife with a harvest of unshaven stubs, Captain Black momentarily crawled on tweaked knees across the pebbly roads of Las Vegas, bumping into people's surprisingly tough legs (must be tourist season; bad time for detective work) because his eyes kept very fixed down to the road, the reason NOT so as to hide his facial features, but to spare change from the merciless trample of spoiled commoners. "Alright, just one more nickel and I'll dial in the big 1-3. Hmm, a penny," he held his chin thoughtfully. "Better hope pay phones take pennies." He then looked up and gasped, seeing his reflection. One course of action left to take..

Splash!

"Yes!" Black's soaked arm dripped with triumph as one tiny nickel shone from reflective sunlight. This called for adulation.

"Thank you, fountain change!"

"Jackie? Chan? Jackie Chan? How does he prefer to be named?" Portia looked over her shoulder, staring at the unthinking clock and its red digital numbers. 5:10pm. "Nary a note to be found. I hope he hadn't thrown himself into the fray just yet." She wiped her hair with the towel slung around her doused form, evaporation teeming from any exposed skin.

"I tried being such a good sport about the situation. Really I did. Perhaps had Jackie's Uncle not gotten into this mess, I wouldn't be playing both sides of the coin. That settles it. If Jackie never shows up- no, I can't afford that either. If he knows, what was the point of transferring to San Fransisco? It was the best choice I had to get away.."

Clip...Clop...Clip...Clop...

Portia turned and eyed the gloves unhappily. "Oh...You naughty little bits again," she sneered quietly. "

A/N: The problem I had with Captain Black was that he was stealing the show way too well. I had to trim his role in the fic.

OH MY FREAKING GOSH. How long did I leave this thing out to dry? If I can apologize a lot, I would type it all over, but now's not the time, maybe when I finish it. Rest assured, amigos, I am not dead, or abandoning the love for JCA. I might've disappeared but I don't like leaving things unfinished. Hopefully, this may revive the fic for the time it's able to. Well, adios.

TLEL


End file.
